falling || 5sos || au

xxxvii.

xxxvii.

[her thoughts]

I watched him walk away (to take a shower)

and I thought of what I did wrong?

was it the way I kissed him?

or maybe I wasn’t skinny enough?

the truth dawned on me soon

and I realised that I had been eating so much

and I realised so many things

that it felt like a weight was being pressed into me

despair took over my body

and I tried to hold back tears

but I was so full of guilt

and I could barely fit it all inside me

after he left, (once my parents did)

to gather his things

I walked to my toilet to stick

two fingers down my throat

pushing deep but not deep enough to hurt me

surprisingly, I coughed out the coffee I drank

and I tried again to see if anything else could come out

but nothing did so I took a shower

to try and drown out the feeling of hopelessness

and the feeling of pure rejection

running through my veins

and also the fact that no one cared enough for me

except for Ashton

of course