Diary of Words

not again

It's been five months since the last time i cut my self and last night was just same like the others night when everything feels so hard and i couldn't explain it.

I feel my heart stop beating.

And my head fulls of shit, i start to hate everything that i've done. Everything is dark here, my room, my head, my mind.

I think, i want to cut my self again. I know where i put my razor blade, but yet, i'm too afraid to do it again. Even i know i feel better after doing it.

But it just a No.

Trying to close my eyes.. i can't stay and can't keep quiet in my bed. I keep moving, start to beat my head..

Crying in silences..

Put a earphone in my ear, play a music. Set the volume up. But end up with my ear sick, i turn it off and staring at the top.. black.

Imagine something hit me so hard.
So i couldn't feel this shit again, not again. Please.