Tainted

Chapter 6 - Rumours and Messages

A/N hey everyone! So I've finally got the new chapter up Yay! I'm so excited to read all your comments about this chapter - it's my favourite so far :) Reminder that the songs used are not mine but I have altered them slightly to be put into context. No copyright infrigement intended.

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Some time had passed since Severus pretty much shunned me but in a way I think it helped me move forward. Since then the nightmares had lessened until they no longer haunted me in my sleep – though that’s not to say their remnants weren’t lingering in my mind. I was also able to re-live the memories and not feel so torn and ashamed.

I guess you could say I’ve come to a bit of an understanding that although the past may hold some painful memories - that’s not to say that we should forget them. The past got us to where we are today. We can choose to let it dictate our lives or we can choose to learn to live with the skeletons in our closet and become a better person. In many ways I have healed but I haven’t completely learnt to live with my past. It’s been a while since I took some time to clear my head like I am now. Things have been hectic but I’m managing the best way I can and that’s all I really can do.

I am getting there but even after writing about the time I felt alone and how I viewed the world back then, I still don’t have the courage to speak about them without bursting into tears. There’s no reason for it except that, every time I try I feel as though darkness has consumed me and I just want to get out but I can’t see anything. It’s just all dark and infinite. I think that’s what’s holding me back. I need to find that one thing or person who can bring me back to the light. Something to give me hope, to let me know I’ll never be alone.

Luna and I were sitting cross legged on my bed with numerous books filled with music and lyrics scattered around us. Most of them were closed but there were six of them that were open to a specific page. I got up and carried the closed songbooks, dropping them at the foot of my book case.

Luna had her hair tied back in a long ponytail and she wore a purple top with a gold pattern following the neckline, along with light blue jeans. She looked up from the songbook in her hands just as I joined her on the bed.

“Professor Snape is a strange man, isn’t he?” Luna asked with a tone implying she was waiting for me to agree.

“Yes, I suppose he is. A little strange and different but human all the same. Why do you ask?”

“Rumours. They’re terrible little things, aren’t they?”

“Well, yes indeed they are.” I replied, confused by her outburst even though they were frequent.

What is she playing at?

“Professor Snape has quite a number of them about him.”

“I know. It must come with the territory.”

Luna looked at me puzzled.

“Hm? What territory?”

“Oh, just the façade he puts on. It can be quite misleading.”

“I agree. Students think he’s a death eater.”

I grabbed a fistful of my duvet as the fear and doubt started to pulse through my bloodstream. Of course I had heard those rumours. They were flying about every corner I turned months ago. Should I be scared? If he is a death eater shouldn’t that make him evil? I don’t know what to think. Evil is such a funny thing isn’t it? We all think we know what it means. Murder, genocide, torture but what if under the right circumstances we are all capable of committing such acts? Or even worse, what if evil is something far more than that? What if it’s written in our DNA?