Amazing Things From a Terrible Night

Day 2

SATURDAY:

I wake up and I look over to see Ryan. He looks terrified to see me. As if he's me from yesterday. Too scared to look at someone because of something that I can't help. I wondered if that's how he felt when I couldn't look at him.

Ryan: "What happened?"

Me: "I was having a bad dream and that activates my seizures. I'm sorry you had to see that."

Ryan: "I never saw that in person. I didn't know what to do."

Me: "I'm really sorry."

We sat in silence. I never felt more awkward than I did right there. Damn seizures. I never seen anyone this scared in a long time. And, as always, it was my fault.

To this day, I don't understand why I wanted to talk to him. I didn't want him to be scared. I don't care if somebody does or doesn't want to tell, but I wanted him to. I wanted him to not be scared of me. I wondered if he was really scared of me, scared that I could hurt him if I have another episode, or that he never saw someone almost die. That's probably it. He's afraid of death. If it happened right in front of him, he would be even more dead inside. We ate breakfast. He didn't want to eat as much as play with it. I didn't want to eat it that much either.

I look over at his feet and I see a PSP. It looks more like an antique rather than a fun game for children.

Me: "Hey. Can you tell me another story?"

Ryan: "Sure, I guess."

Me: "When did you get that?" I was pointing at the PSP.

Ryan: "On Christmas a couple of years ago. My family couldn't afford any presents that year because of me, but because of the beating down bullies thing, families chipped in a little bit and bought me this because I always wanted one. I broke it 2 months later, but I kept it because it's my token of what hard work can get you"

Ryan spoke in ways that makes me understand everything. If anyone else told me this, I wouldn't get it or they would say it wrong, but he gets it right. He understood things that I believe, but better.

Me: "Do you want to know anything about me? I already know so much about you."

Ryan: "I guess. What's your middle name?"

Me: "Chad. My first name is Anthony, just like my friend."

Ryan: "Were you born here?"

Me: "In this room?"

Ryan: "No. In this state, dummy."

He starts to chuckle. He has a little kind smile.

Ryan: "Like how I was born in Oregon."

Me: "Oh. Yeah. I was born here. So you're from Oregon? That's really far from here"

Ryan: "Yeah. We moved because my mother was born here. She met Dad when she was visiting for summer and she never left, until she left. They got married and when I was born, she wanted to move back because Dad was a foster child who never had a family and my mom has family at home. When I was born, though, he was really happy to have his own family. He gave me this."

He pulled out a photo of a family picture they took after he was born. His father looked really happy. But not familiar. But then I remembered, I never saw his father. I was hoping that he would come that day.

We sat in silence.

After 10 minutes of silence, I ask him more questions.

Me: "Do you have a brother?"