Hetalia oneshots

crack usuk? I'm not sure.

So England and me were making out.

Like intense, it's getting very hot and heavy in here kinda making out. I was straddled over him on that hotel bed, pulling at his tie, my face flushing hot and pink, our tongues sliding against one another, breathing in mostly grunts and groans, feeling him beneath me moan back, with his hands greedily grabbing any piece of me he could reach, groping me over my clothes, run-on sentencing me to an eager erection that had no time for proper punctuation and grammar between our desperate gasps and huffs and just wanted so bad to be set FREEEEEE!

England and I had made out before but never gone any further. But I was pretty sure that night in the EconoLodge would be our first time. Why? Because I texted England an eggplant emoji earlier that day, and he texted a winky face back ;)

Oh yeah. England was thirsty. For a big tall glass of D. (Not Sunny D.) I was sure of it.

So I broke the kiss and pulled back. I prayed to God/ Jesus/ L. Ron Hubbard that when I went to undo the button on his pants that England wouldn't stop me. I donated my 5 cent bag credits at Whole Foods to wheelchair cripple kids organic gardening for compost shit, so He owes me this! And lo, my good deed did not go unrewarded, boys and girls. Not only did England not stop me, but after I unzipped his pants, he raised his ass for me to slide them off. And I did!

I saw England's peen bulge through his boxers and it made my own cock twitch. This was it. I was gonna get laid. It'd been a while, not gonna lie. I was so excited! I think England could tell. The :D face I was making probably gave it away, huh?

"I've never seen you like this," said England with an amused smirk. It was the first actual words either of us had said in several minutes. "Catch your breath, now."

"H'huh?" I managed to get out between gasps. I was still panting heavily. If I was texting this I'd put little puffs of air emojis around my face for effect. And not meaning farts like I have in the past because that's funny, I mean come on they had to know we'd do that, right? But this time they'd be legit actual puffs of air.

England touched my face. "You're panting like a dog in heat," he said. "Your face is red."

"ARF ARF!" I barked happily. Then I lowered my head down, and nuzzled my face into England's crotch. I could feel its heat through his boxers and it twitch against me. He let out a small gasp. My eyes looked up to his, my nose and mouth still pressed between his legs, condensation building as I panted my hot breath into the fabric. Then I gave him the most desperate PUPPY DOG EYES look evar.

England responded by gripping the waistband of his boxers. I watched eagerly as he pulled them off, but as he slid them down his legs, my :D face abruptly went to :O

And not a good :O …. it then went to D: but I quickly recovered so England couldn't see.

England's dick is bigger than mine! :angry emoji: Damn, I wish you could picture an actual emoji there instead of just me typing it! That makes me even MOAR angry! :even angrier emoji: (Wait does that exist?)

But anyway, how could England have a bigger penis than me? ! All my other parts are bigger than his! I'm taller, I got more muscles, and HELLO! Have you seen a goddamn Google Maps lately? ! My physical country is way bigger! Like try 3,537,441 square miles versus his measly 94,251 square miles! Don't ask me how I knew our exact sizes are without having to look it up. Also don't ask me what that is in kilograms because I have no idea. I will never convert to metric, haha!