Eastern District School

Chapter 95 - Two mugs

Rose had been ready to go for a while now, she hadn't however been able to find Rich. It might have partially been due to the fact that she wasn't actually looking for him, merely wandering around on site, lost in thought. Except, she wasn't really sure she was thinking at all. At least, no plan came to her mind. No thoughts on what to say, no thoughts on what to do, and certainly no thoughts on what to feel. Okay, well sometimes that last one didn't actually require one to think at all with that. You either felt it or you didn't...right?

Was that how things had been with her parents? Had they felt it right the way through their lives? Miles apart, even lives apart, yet they could still feel it? At what point did they feel it, yet had to ignore it because it hurt? Because to love someone that much and then have to be apart from them, is something too painful to even think about. She tried in fact, to imagine living life without Rich, just to imagine hypothetically that is. How would she go about her life without him? At her next project build, would she go to dinner alone? No, of course not, there was Benny. He was such a good friend and would stand by her. And yet, that was all Rich claimed to be doing: standing by her; supporting her; protecting her; caring for her. Yet sitting across the table from Benny and sitting across the table from Rich were two very completely and utterly different things to do. 

Who else would give her a lift if her truck broke down again? It was rare that it happened, but it was just another hypothetical situation she tried to invisualise. Could she imagine herself feeling as protected as he made her feel as she sat beside him whilst at the wheel?

He didn't just make her feel supported. He didn't just make her feel protected. He made her feel loved!

That's what it had been all along. That's what she noticed, that was what she was drawn to. There was no doubt he definitely loved her. 

She felt like her head was running around in circles, for she was sure that those thoughts had already gone around in her mind, no doubt more than once before. 

Just admit it, you'll feel better for it! A voice inside her head said. 

"Admit that I love him?" she uttered, to no one in particular. She had glanced around to make sure no one had heard her talking to herself this time. It was clearly something of a recent habit. To whom should she confess in? She wondered. After all, wasn't it a fair sight easier to admit something to someone else first, before you heard your own words and reasoned them to be true, much closer to heart than you could having only discussing or rather, confessing to yourself? Confessing made it sound something quite dangerous, and perhaps it was. Were there factors she hadn't even considered? Well surely there were, having only recently  had her life dealt in such a way. Would marriage really end all the worry? Could it not be the start of another chapter in her life? 

"How can I even think of marriage, when I can't even admit that I love him?" she grumbled, feeling the lump in her throat threatening to crack her voice. Her foreign words echoing back, sounding much louder than the mere whisper she emitted. Looking up then, Rose noticed him, he was perched against his car, hands thrust deep into his pockets. He was wearing his smile again, something she hadn't seen much that morning from him. His smile didn't seem to break as he conversed with another male and there was no mistaking that blue suit! She realised that her legs carried her still and she was in fact walking towards them. As her pulse quickened, she looked about her for somewhere to hide, just a little out of sight so they both wouldn't look up and greet her. unfortunately there was nowhere to hide or stand behind, and they did look up at her, the smiles almost dropping from their faces for a moment, well that was certainly true of Rich's smile, the one she seemed to have the most focus for. 

His brother, whom Rose had quite forgotten his name, quickly patted his brother on the shoulder and then withdrew, walking away towards his own car.