eight letters | skz

𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 : 𝐉𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

dear chan,

or wait no, scratch that.

hi bro.
or is that too informal? i mean it's not like this is a goodbye letter, i'm just meant to write down my emotions and/or what happened since you're gone.

anyway, nothing much happened. we're still where you left us.

it's been around two months, the guys and i moved into a new dorm a week ago.

and felix broke my nose.

it makes me smile a little to imagine your reaction to this news; you probably would've scolded felix so hard and maybe even me for provocating him.

i was unpacking the pictures from our old place and when i found the pictures of you, i left them in the box because yep, still can't manage to look at pictures of you. i'm a pussy, i know.

"what are you doing?" i didn't realize felix walking into the living room where i was putting the frames up on the wall.

"decorating the place so it doesn't look too stale," i said simply, not daring to turn around. it was hard being around lix since his dedication to make us feel even worse grew every day.

"why isn't there one picture of chan?" he frowned, walking closer as he saw the box and the remaining frames, "i hope you're going to put these up as well."

"actually," i inhaled, finally turning to look at him, "i'm not going to put them up, the others said it's okay."

felix's eyes blazed with anger, suddenly grabbing me by my collar and pushing me against the wall. "yes, you are putting them up."

"felix," i demanded, trying to push him away, "i don't wanna be reminded every single day that he's...gone."

"so you want to forget him after everything he did for us?" felix almost shouted, gripping my shirt even tighter, "you're an ungrateful piece of trash."

that's when my anger began to boil as well, how dare he call me ungrateful?

"if someone is ungrateful, it's you, lee felix. you're walking around as if you're the only one who's suffering, but you weren't the only one close to chan." i hissed, "at least i was there for him unlike you."

and that's when he punched me, leaving me with a broken nose. he probably would've killed me if woojin didn't come to tear us apart.

not gonna lie, but i feel disgusted by what i said to him. because if i was there for you properly, you still would be here.

i miss you so much, do you miss us too?

your dumbass jisung