eight letters | skz

𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 : 𝐖𝐎𝐎𝐉𝐈𝐍

dear chan,

today was your funeral.

and guess what? it rained all day. this sounds probably so freaking cheesy, but they say an angel is crying when it rains on earth, but why would angels cry if they finally have the most wonderful person to ever exist with them now?

we're the ones in the position to cry and you can be sure that we all did or still are. i still feel bad for not letting my emotions free, but i'm trying to be strong for the others as you'd want me to be.

it's so hard, chan. it's so hard seeing them all fall apart and i cannot say or do anything to take their pain away, it's eating me like some parasite.

but don't you worry up there, okay? i'm not giving up just yet.

it was a private service today, only our friends and families were invited to come. but no one spoke one word, and trust me, the silence was deafening.

the worst part of the day was when we all stood in a circle while they buried you. it felt like finality, like, there was no chance for you to come back. of course, it's dumb of me to think you'd return, especially when i saw your lifeless body on the bathroom floor that night.

you know, i came to tell you news —  good news. we had received our first win, our manager told me to get you because you were at our dorms since you didn't feel too well.

i guess you felt horrible. and you never told me anything.

i should've noticed though, i fucking should've noticed your growing sadness, your refusal to sleep or eat the past week before it happened. why didn't i see it?

was i too egoistic? too caught up in everything happening around us to notice my best friend, my brother, suffering like that?

how did it even come that far for you to take your own life? i always thought you were okay, you said it. you told me you were okay...why did you lie to me, chan? did you think i didn't care? if you thought that, you were or are wrong.

with you gone...i don't know how to move forward. you were the one leading us, showing us the right way. but now it's my turn and i don't know how to juggle the responsibility.

yet.

i will figure it out for your sake, chan. i will never let this happen again. ever.

it will take a while until i figure it all out, especially with the sad cloud that will follow us around without you.

everything will be okay. it has to because life goes on.
and i know you're watching over us from up there which gives me at least a little comfort.

i love you and i miss you.

yours truly,

woojin