dear chan,
i found a quote on google today.
'no rain, no flowers,' it said.
my therapist said it was an excellent quote to tell myself every day, but how am i supposed to believe it?
how long will the bad times stay until the good ones come around? because i don't think i can manage another day feeling like this, but woojin hyung tells me to hold on, to keep pushing through life because this would make me a stronger person.
but i feel weak. i feel so freaking weak, channie.
and i know you wouldn't be happy hearing that i started drinking. but please don't be mad at me, i just need to forget even if it's just for a night.
whenever i drown myself with alcohol, i can sleep without the voices in my head keeping me up until dawn.
the pain is worse when i wake up though and sometimes i wish i didn't. just like you didn't wake up even after the doctors tried to pump your stomach.
how did it feel to never wake up again? were you scared of swallowing your pills and the consequences? for how long did you know you were going to kill yourself? and what triggered you?
i have so many questions, but i will never get my answers, will i?
do you wish after reading all our letters you could return to stop making us ache?
yours truly,
hyunjin
YOU ARE READING
eight letters | skz
Fanficin which bang chan has committed suicide and his band members are trying to cope with the grief by writing letters to him. © hugjinie
