I Told You I Want to Die

C4

Woohyun tried to hurt himself but he couldn't. He remembered so much from the knife that he's holding. He remembered what happened this morning. It never stopped bothering him.

The bastard gasping for air. The bastard's grip around his wrists. The bastard's pleading eyes. They begged for mercy. They were begging to be remembered. It's too late now. It's already engraved in his head.

Woohyun didn't like that. He didn't want to remember another person. He didn't want anybody invading his sanctuary of pain. But the bastard's like a force. He stops Woohyun from hurting himself .  Every time he cuts himself, the bastard's voice creeps into his head and says, "You can't die, Woohyun." It stays in his head like a mantra until he throws his knife or cutter away. It also stops him from banging his head on any object. The voice just fills up his head and tears him apart. Woohyun wondered why he didn't just kill the man already. He was too close before but... But what?

Was it mercy he felt for the man? That stabbing him is too much? Woohyun saw that he already has lung problems. He's not an idiot. Maybe that is the reason why I stopped, Woohyun thought. I still have some mercy left in me.

Woohyun smirked and gave up on cutting his left arm. His stomach was growling.He decided to eat some leftover kimchi. As he was eating, his thoughts mulled over the sudden changes. One thing's for sure: he didn't like it. It would have been better if that bastard didn't stop him from killing himself. None of the shit this morning would happen. Woohyun would be in hell and that bastard would be left in his miserable world.

Everything would have been so much better.

On the other hand, Woohyun wondered why he settled with just hurting himself. Clearly, he can just find another way of killing himself. But he didn't. Is that bastard affecting him more than he should?

No, Woohyun thought. I don't even know him. Why am I thinking of him right now? He stopped eating and slapped his head. But upon the second slap, he heard the bastard's voice again.

"Ugh, get the fuck out of my head." Woohyun muttered.  He shook his head like he's trying to get something out of his ears. He played some music--his favorite song---to get the voice out of his head. The rhythm and beat of the song successfully distracted him. His body started to move and soon enough, he was dancing. Definitely lost in the song. But near the end of the song, a thought entered Woohyun's mind.

"What the fuck am I doing?" he said. He looked around his house. Memories came to him all of  a sudden. She used to sit on that couch. She used to dance to that song. We used to dance together. She placed those curtains for me. We fixed the furniture together.

Hot tears spilled out of his eyes and blurred his vision. Woohyun destroyed everything in his path. He ripped the curtains apart, threw aside the couch and kicked the coffee table. Woohyun threw a vase at a mirror hung at the wall. Broken shards of the mirror and the vase flew everywhere.  Woohyun collapsed to his knees and cried. Just then, the main door of his house opened, revealing Sunggyu's frightened expression. Sunggyu ran to Woohyun and held him. Woohyun didn't care anymore. He was absolutely exhausted. A soft lullaby lulled him to sleep.

Sunggyu was sitting on the floor amidst all the mess with Woohyun in his arms. When he shifted, Woohyun clung harder onto his arm. Sunggyu smiled and patted Woohyun's head softly. He marveled at how the man turns into an angel when he sleeps. Sunggyu decided that he liked this Woohyun the best.

"Bipolar much?" Sunggyu whispered and chuckled. Woohyun squirmed in reply. Sunggyu stared at Woohyun's broken figure. He couldn't help but shed some tears for the younger. His heart reached out to him. He held Woohyun close to his chest in hopes that he'll hear his plea. His plea of wanting to be heard and understood. Sunggyu continued to sing a lullaby. Woohyun slept soundly in his arms. It felt good that he fits perfectly in Sunggyu's arms. It provided just enough warmth for Woohyun.