I Told You I Want to Die

C8

"Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it." Sungyeol repeated like a mantra. He desperately wanted to focus on the calculus problem their professor gave them. It couldn't hurt to try to be the top one, right? he thought. He felt his brain strain to think of a possible solution.

"Damn, why does this have to be hard?" he muttered but slapped his desk. Myungsoo, who's stitting beside him, looked at him with alarmed eyes.

"What the fuck are you muttering?" Myungsoo whispered.

"You do know that Math stands for mental abuse to humans? Right?" Sungyeol whispered without looking at Myungsoo. And so, he didn't see Myungsoo do his usual eye roll.

Sungyeol just doesn't understand how Myungsoo solved the problem in just a few minutes. The fact that Myungsoo is a math genius hasn't sink in yet. He thinks it's an overstatement. Sungyeol feels and somehow knows that Myungsoo is hiding something. A part of him--an embarrassing part--is kept hidden behind the cold stare and cool demeanor. Sungyeol thought of these things as he ventured through the dangerous journey of solving the most difficult problem of all.

Calculus.

Sungyeol sighed and finally gave up. He can never solve these problems! Let alone sing in front of hundreds of people! His defeat on a simple problem reminded him of the many times he was humiliated. Either by his fault or by his stepbrother Hoya.

Oh, Hoya. His dear, beloved stepbrother. How he loves to spend time with his loving stepbrother.

Bullshit.

To the student body of his school, Sungyeol is the rebel. The hateful brother. Hoya is the perfect one. Talented, smart, confident. He can and will do anything. Sungyeol is nothing compared to him. The only reason why people follow him is because of Hoya. That's what he thinks. Sungyeol gives his followers some fresh info about Hoya every once in a while so that they won't leave him. Because deep inside he's lonely. He's alone. Sungyeol's just lucky that he found someone who cared enough to know HIM and not his brother. He's thankful to have found Myungsoo.

Sungyeol casted a sidelong glance at his new found friend. Myungsoo's image fitted their 'friendship' well.  He was perfect as the "rebel's" friend. Myungsoo definitely had this cold aura around him. His headphones hung around his neck blasted rock music only loud enough for him to hear. He looked bad in a way that was good. Everything about him is perfect. Perfect face, perfect hair, perfect clothes. Even the way he walks is perfect. Sungyeol only has this arrogant walk that everyone probably hates.

"Mr. Lee, you're asked to go to the dean's office. Immediately." the professor suddenly said.

Many of his classmates instantly looked at him but not questioning why he's called. It was more like a 'here we go again' moment. Sungyeol dragged himself out of his seat. His classmates' gazes followed him as he walked out of the classroom. He heard the class resume as he passed the next classroom.

It took ten minutes to get to the dean’s office Sungyeol made it longer than usual because he didn’t want to face the dean again.

He didn’t want to be asked of his brother again. And most especially, he didn’t want to be in trouble again. 

When he did reach the office, the dean’s secretary looked at him with concerned eyes. She did a gesture that clearly meant that he has to go in immediately. The dean was never this urgent before. Sungyeol dragged his feet through the carpeted floor. He knocked before entering.

He had his eyebrows raised when the dean looked up at him. The dean originally had his head bowed down. Sungyeol felt the tension in the room. He sat on a chair.