Heritage

Heritage (Chapter 58)

Chapter 58: Stella

After that night with Richard it almost felt as if a switch had flipped within my mind. It feels like instead of moving forward now, I'm stuck in one place. My thoughts remind me every night of the choices I have made. And though most of the time I feel I've done the right things, there's always that gnawing feeling in the back of my head asking me why.

I've always been so sure of myself. I've always had the answers no matter what, why don't I have them now?

Lately it seems the only peace I can find is through working in the gear cage. The Captain was right in saying that it's good to have something to keep your mind busy while you have down time.

It's a good way for me to avoid Richard as well. I've been using it as an excuse often whenever he asks if we could eat together, or talk, or just spend some time with each other.

I see the hurt on his face every time I say no. I'm sure by now he understands that I'm trying to avoid him, but I don't think he quite understands the why of me avoiding him. At the same time, I haven't exactly given him elaboration on that front.

Today was a quiet day for me.

The usual armorer was out today attending to other duties for the Captain, which left me with the cage to myself. I can't say that I didn't enjoy it.

I decide to sit at the front counter today and do my work. It allowed me to know if someone was coming in with gear without having to look up from my work space every few minutes to see if I had a customer. That day I noticed we had a bit of a backup of crash pistols on the rack and it's better to focus on knocking those out before anything else.

I sit at the desk, engrossed in the cleaning of one of them. During the work I notice a shadow block the light in front of me.

"Go ahead and set down your gear on the counter there and sign it in on the clipboard, I'll grab it in a moment," I say expecting it to be a customer, not looking up from my work.

"Can we talk for a moment?" A familiar voice speaks.

I look up to see Richard standing there, his eyes red and welled up as he stifles tears. I feel the empathy within me for him, but my words just don't seem to come out that way.

"Can this wait until later? The cage is backed up today and I have a lot of work to do,"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"What? No Richard, I've just been really busy, that's all,"

"Then how come since that night, you've been so distant from me? Did I hurt you or something?" He asks, starting to become erratic.

"Keep your voice down!" I say in a whispered yell.

I sit back in my chair and breathe a frustrated sigh.

"Look, Richard, I'm sorry I've been making you feel like this,"

"What's going on then?" He asks, quickly wiping tears before anyone can see.

"I...I'm not sure how to explain it to you, okay?"

"Can you at least try?"

"I.... miss Leon,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I need some time to think about things, Richard, okay?" I say becoming frustrated.

"Why didn't you think about him in the first place? I never did anything to push you into being with me,"

"But you didn't hesitate when you had the chance, did you?" I snap back.