Bad Boys

Dymondina Celeste-Cosettphina Theodrina-Sallibeth Vegas

"What!" I screamed, furiously standing up in anger. "What do you mean by that? Do I have an older brother who's secretly a Russian spy? Am I now related to royalty? Am I to be the queen? I mean, it would explain my beauty and elegance, royal blood." Having exhausted my list of improbable scenarios with the confused looks of my parents on me, I sat back in my chair, like the polite lady that I was and moved onto a possible explanation for our current predicament.

"Did you guys remember to use protection?" I asked my parents.

"Excuse me?" My mother said, her jaw falling open. "You innocent children know about these things? And how dare you bring them up at the dinner table!"

Ah, I supposed there was no such thing as a maternal figure that constantly underestimates her children's knowledge.

"Not much," I said, "And I apologise for bringing it up." My mother nodded her head in approval, mollified by my lie and apology.

A soft, fake cough echoed from my father's end of the table, prompting us back to the initial topic.

"I have only been pregnant once hunny bunny," my mother said. Maybe the 'children' she was talking about were her pet chimpanzees or something. My mummy could make such a fuss about the smallest things and then miss the certain nuances in her words that make me feel concerned. She would do it all the time.

"Are you telling us mother that Beth and I," Jaxxon began. Beth? BeTh? How dare he make my eloquent name into such a common nickname. I was beyond pissed at him for that, but first we needed to deal with the topic at hand.

'Are parts of triplets or something?' I said, proving what a good twin I was by finishing his sentence.

'Quintuplets, actually.'

"What the fu-," I said, before I realised where I was. "I mean, how-?"

"What?" my father spluttered. His soup, that now existed in this story, was sprayed all over his bushy moustache.

"Yes, darling," my mother said, touching his palm.

"But Theodorina-Sallibeth, I don't remember us having that many-,"

"But we did Ruperto," my mother replied, with a look in her eyes as though she was trying to send my dad a secret message. He looked back at her, somewhat understanding and rested back in chair, his mouth shaped into a little o.

We stared at each other, in awkward silence. As we are all beautiful specimens of human beings, normal people might think that us gawking at each was normal, since we were so lovely to look at, but this was different. It was as though none of us had anything to say. That never happened. And yet this was nothing like the 3 hour staring sessions we use to have back when we were younger. Ahhh good memories.

"So?" my brother said in his usual pompous manner. I couldn't believe that I was related to such a creature.

"So, what darling?" my mother smiled back at her least favourite child.

"Why does it matter that we were quintuplets? I mean, you never told us until now. Surely, we can just never talk about this. I would hate to ruin our reputation by letting people now that there are other Vegas's running around looking like us but not with the same proper upbringing," he said. I dared not to speak then, yet to form my opinion. I like having good, strong opinions and those took time to develop, ok?

There was still silence, meaning that I had time to think something up. Ok. Mother has extra children we never knew about, they could be ugly, never tell anyone. Done. Now to voice my opini-

"We haven't decided on that yet but, your sister will be moving in with us shortly," my mother said. Huh, I wonder what her Instagram was. "Her name is Dymondina Celeste-Cosettphina Theodrina-Sallibeth Vegas but when she was born we just called her our Dymond CC. My second born quintuplet."

She then pulled out her extremely precious and expensive glittering pink phone that was worth the GDP of several small first world countries.

"This is her,"

I gasped in shock. Not a full-on gasp but a small, ladylike one. While her face still contained evidence of our family's genetic superiority, a pale, heart shaped face with a perfectly angled chin and large eyes with full eyelashes, she had ruined that with various piercings, dyed black hair and eyeliner applied with the skill of a drunkard. She still looked beautiful mind you, how could she not, but it was just... shocking, and so was her taste in clothing. Ripped skinny jeans, knock off doc martens and a t-shirt from a disgusting-looking band I couldn't even name. Needless to say, some improvement would definitely have to be made before she was presented to society.

"What about our other siblings?" I asked.

"I don't know honey. But this one we found living in Italy."

"Italy?" Jaxxon said. "What would they be doing in Italy?"

My father looked down at his shoes as my mother lowered her voice to a whisper. "She was sent there as a diversion, we blackmailed some distant relatives to look after Dymondia. She was covering up our other child that we also sent to that silly country. No one must know this, but your sister, Aubrelloebe Heathina-Farrlence, has schizophrenia."

"Oh," I said. It didn't take a genius to figure out the implications of this. Any mental illness was shameful and had to be hidden away. It didn't matter if it was completely treatable, or even that 20% of the nation experienced a mental health issue in a year.

"Naturally, she had to be hidden away," my mother continued. "But it broke our hearts to see her go, so we took her to the best asylum in the world." It made perfect sense, of course, that my mother could say that without so much as a frown on her face. And of course, she would have to have stayed there for years, obviously.

"Why send her away? And when did you do this, does she know as much as us?" queried Jaxxon. What a situation, my parents actually communicating to for the first time in forever and then Jaxxon rudely questioning them. I had to do something to ease the tension.

"So when is she coming and where shall she stay?" I asked, being the polite sibling that cared about the well-being of others instead of prying into their upbringing like Jaxxon. My mother smiled at my question.

"Well darling, your father and I own a number of properties so we were thinking we could just get that nice little place a block away and renovate for the girls. And I need your special touch when it comes to interior designing. You can even have your own room there too!" she clapped her hands together.

"That sounds so fun!" I replied, genuinely excited. "So, when can I get started on interior designing? And is there anything there already?"

"No, honey, it's completely bare and we've got three weeks to design it!"

"Perfect," I grinned, leaning back into my chair as I ignored Jaxxon's eyes that bore into the side of my pristine neck. My perfect taste, a complete bare house without parents, and a new Italian sibling on her way. I'd never heard anything that sounded more fun.