Just Survive Somehow

Chapter 31 - Thoughts of Chaos

Author's Note: While I was writing this, I noticed that I had strongly switched to a different form of the first perspective. This chapter has a lot of Sasha's mind and her thoughts, her whole thinking process, etc. Usually, I write with much stronger dialogues and a lot more of it, but this one kind of just happened with her thoughts... Anyways, let me know what you think of that, if you like the dialogue or thoughts more, give me your opinion on that. And as always, don't forget to vote, comment, and leave me a follow :) enjoy the chapter.

Blood pools on the floor, there's a thud as the body hits the ground and I jump a bit.

I expect to see her cry or run to me but she just stands there, gun in hand.

"What the hell?!"

"What kind of little girl carries a gun?!"

"Didn't somebody check her?!"

Chaos ensues, the other group is all freaking as they see Ahri standing over the dead body with her gun drawn. She just blinks, watching the blood flow from where she'd shot him dead, right in the chest.

Be careful, take care of Ahri for me, do what I couldn't.

Had I just failed Catarina?

Murder. Little girls aren't supposed to murder people. I know the rules have changed since the world went to shit, but still... little girls shouldn't kill people...

Little girls... was Ahri still a little girl? Of course, she was. We may have lost track of the days but she could only be maybe... 12?

Time... oh where has the time gone... just ten minutes ago Jasper was about to kiss me. Now we're standing next to not just one but now two dead bodies. Two dead bodies. Not to mention that one of them was put there by Ahri. Just a little girl...

Self-preservation... do those principles apply to situations regarding murder and little girls?

Get out of your head, Sasha. Shit is about to go down!

Right. There were still tons of people on the edge of battle... was there anything we could do to stop it?

"What the hell did you teach that child?!"

With those words, the battle begins.

Their side shoots first. I draw my gun, only hesitating for a slight moment before I take aim and fire.

Killing is never easy. It never should be. But nowadays, in moments like this, it's kill or be killed. Was that what Ahri thought as she pulled the trigger on that man?

Stop talking to yourself, things are happening!

Jasper rushes towards Ahri, pulling her out of the hot zone for bullets. Ahren is angrily firing rounds at the other group.

And the others in the station, they're fighting too. For a battle they don't need to be a part of, they're fighting. Why? Is it because we saved them? Do they think that they owe us? We save people because we're human, we're good people, not so we can get something in return. Although now, I'm glad to have saved these people. All of them because they're helping us now.

A bullet from my gun lodges into someone's stomach, they fall to the ground. I can hear them cry in pain as I continue to fire.

I know what that feels like... I've lived through it myself... will they live through it?

Do they have someone waiting for them to return? Someone who will kick themselves over letting them leave? Will they get to see that person again?

I got to see Jasper. Jasper got his peace. 

But what if that person doesn't...

Soon our groups are running at each other as the bullets become less and less, more guns running out of ammo.

A man charges towards me, ready to knock me on my ass. I'm ready to be tackled by now. He's big and burly, surely my much more petite figure won't stand a chance to someone of his size and build. He's so close, I brace myself for the impact he'll create. But he never hits me.

Jasper throws himself into the man from the side, knocking him over and taking himself down in the process.

The scene is familiar to one that carried a lot of deep feelings at one point... Graham. He'd thrown himself into my position as I was attacked by a walker. He got sent over the edge of a cliff for it...

I shake myself from the long lost memory as another person is coming towards me. This one is a much smaller, my size man. 

I throw my fist into his gut as soon as he's close enough. I knee him there again as I use one hand to hold his shoulder and another to grab my pocket knife. Perhaps an unfair advantage in a fist fight... but there was no referee to call me on it.

I stab the knife into his stomach. The stomach. Again. Why the stomach? I can feel my own stomach getting hotter as I put more stress onto my body. I slide the knife out of the man's stomach and drop him to the ground. For a second I flinch, closing my eyes and grasping my stomach. 

So much... just so so so much...

I want to run, run away from this. All this fighting and bloodshed, but I can't. These people are here because of me. This group came because of me. My people were fighting because of me. They might even be fighting for me.

I turn, trying to find my place in the battle for our people. 

Ahren has joined Jasper in fighting the large burly man from earlier, I watch as they manage to knock him onto the ground. I tear my eyes away from the scene, not wanting to see the rest.

Ahri.

Where was Ahri?

Chaos was happening and I had no idea where she was...

Be careful, take care of Ahri for me, do what I couldn't.

I can't fail Cat again.

I rush through the battle of people, trying to find the little girl.

There I go again, 'little girl'. Was she really still a 'little girl'? Once again, of course, she was.

Relief washes over me as I see her bright red hair behind the fight. Standing behind, watching everything. Next comes regret. She should have been my first priority. Why didn't I come looking sooner? She was watching all these people fight, kill, die, and repeat the process. That was sure to scare her more than she already was... Then again, this is a new world. She's going to have to grow up in a world where that's what life is. Fight, kill, die, repeat.

But that wasn't the only thing we had now. We have each other. We've always got that, even when we're not together.

I quickly pull her into a hug, tightly holding her. Was there anything else I could do? Was holding her enough? Did I have any other option?

This storm... Cat had been right. It was big and it brought lots of trouble.