the relationship [sequel]

rules

Limbs tangled and bodies still covered in a small sheen of sweat, Namjoon and I were woken by the same painful ringing from his phone. Rubbing his eyes, Namjoon groggily picked it up and held it to his ear. He nodded as he listened, mumbled a few words and then switched it off. Nestling into me, he pulled him into his suffocating embrace which made me giggle and fight against him.

"We need to go into the office today," he muttered into my ear, "Bang PD-nim wants to speak to us. Word travels fast I guess."

I attempted to keep the smile on my face, but it faltered slightly at the thought of going back to speak to Namjoon's managers after what happened months ago. While I had forgiven Namjoon, I certainly hadn't forgotten how horrible it felt to be kicked out onto the street. He changed quickly into a hoodie and jeans, placing on a pair of sunglasses to cover his identity and the puffiness of his eyes. Snuggling into one of his tshirts, I was driven to my own apartment where I opted for slightly smarter clothes than Namjoon.

Walking out in a tailored suit, Namjoon scoffed and asked if I was applying for a job. I laughed, but the irony was not lost on me. I had been living under the cloud of bliss for the past week, but all of a sudden reality seemed to crash down on me.

It had been months, but the feelings were still raw. And as we walked towards the BigHit offices, I couldn't help feel the bile rise in my throat at the memory of how the last time I was here I walked out homeless, jobless, and utterly defeated. Namjoon squeezed my hand and babbled on about the company issues regarding dating, oblivious to the fact that my eyes were fixed firmly to the ground.

This all felt too soon. We weren't even dating! As much as I craved the normal pace of a relationship, I had known what I was getting into the moment we slept together.

Bang PD-nim greeted us at the door, pulling Namjoon into a warm hug and giving me a weary smile. He clearly hadn't anticipated all those months ago that he would ever be seeing me again. There were a few other managers in the room - including Manager Sejin who was the only one to wave at me - and I nervously took a seat next to Namjoon.

"So the boys tell me that you're dating!" Bang PD-nim said, clapping his hands together before handing us both a rather heafty document, "As much as we support the relationship, we do have to enforce some rules to protect the both of you and the group."

I nodded, knowing fully what was to come. If I found being the tour slut restrictive, I knew this would take on new heights.

"To protect the both of you, we advise that neither of you post anything on social media. We also strongly recommend having dates in secure areas, preferably ones that we can close off from the public. Face masks must be worn at all times if you are outside. Namjoon, you must not make any reference to this in press interviews,"Bang PD-nim continued on, and I blocked most it out, already reading the document in front of me which gave a more extensive list of things we couldn't do.

No matching clothes. No relationship rings or necklaces. No one outside of the immediate circle of trust was allowed to know. No visiting each other's families until after three months of dating. No proposals without telling the company first.

"She will be permitted on tour if you would like, but she will remain largely with the crew if we make public outings," I tuned back into the conversation at this point.

"Tour?"

"The Love Yourself:Speak Yourself tour," Bang PD-nim said, "Has Namjoon not mentioned it to you yet?"

"I was going to..."

"I have a job, I won't be able to come..." I reply, looking over at Namjoon, "How long will you be gone for?"

"A while," he answered, not looking me in the eye, "Are you sure you can't come?"

I wanted to remind him that even if I did come we wouldn't spend any time together. I wanted to remind him that I had a life of my own away from him. But I was forced into silence by my own thoughts. Was I ready to throw away the start of a blossoming romance with the man I had loved for months for my own pride?

"I will try and be there," I muttered, and Namjoon gave me a genuine smile, and in that moment I felt as though we were the only two people in that room.

Once the meeting was finished, we stood in the foyer of the building in silence. The past 24 hours had passed in a blur, and I knew I would need to take a moment to step back.

"Do you want to come back to mine? We could watch a movie and get take out..."

"I should be getting home, I have some things I need to do," I said, awkwardness now falling over us like a cloud, "But I had a great time. I have a free day on Wednesday though, if you're free then?"

"It's a date!" he said, his eyes crinkling up slightly as he beamed at me, walking me over towards the taxi that would take me home.

The minute I entered my apartment I burst into tears.

Not from any kind of sadness, but from the overwhelming feelings inside me. When I had slept with Namjoon a week ago, after a stupid drunken night in the club, I didn't expect to be committing myself to a full blown relationship. It just felt like everything around me was moving too quickly, and I couldn't quite keep up.

I loved Namjoon, that had never changed. But I didn't know if I could love the things he had done to me. He was acting like nothing had happened between us, and while I was willing to forget them as well, I needed time. He had broken my heart, and it would take more than sex with fix that.

But despite the trepidation inside me, I dried my tears and became resolved. I would see this through and find out what would happen.

-

all I want is someone in my life like manager sejin.

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