the relationship [sequel]

doubt

[One Week Later]

Another tour. I never thought I would ever see myself on a private jet with the boys again, and certainly not with my hand being held by Namjoon.

Mr. Kim - the owner of the bookshop - had given me permission to take time off work before I had even finished asking. All that he asked was that I took some pictures of the boys performing. And that I would make Namjoon do some reading despite their busy schedules.

"I can't believe we're playing at the Rose Bowl arena!" Jimin squealed, squeezing Jungkook's hand despite the fact that the younger was already fast asleep.

I smiled at him before returning my attention on Namjoon was busy opening his producing software. It didn't matter where we were - Namjoon would never stop working. It was something I admired in him so much I felt like I needed to tell him every five seconds.

"You sleep," he mumbled to me, "It will be boring watching me work."

"I want to hear," I whispered back, not wanting to wake the boys around me who were already beginning to sleep despite the fact that we hadn't even started flying yet.

And so he passed me an airpod, and I felt my whole body feel warm at the sound of the new song he was working on. It was still in its very early stages, but it already tugged at my heartstrings. Anything he did made my heart swell with pride.

***

"GRAMMYS!" Jin yelled into the room as the boys tried on their suits, "We're going to the fucking Grammys."

I hadn't spoken to Namjoon all day. He was always busy; sometimes he would be rehearsing his lines or generic answers to questions, other times he would be briefing the boys, and then he would be whisked away to the makeup chair before I could even say 'hi'.

Sitting on the bed in the room, I felt oddly despondent. I was so proud of them and how far they had come, but I felt wholly useless. No one so much as looked my way, let alone spoke to me.

I had no idea why I had been invited on this tour when I had no purpose. Maybe I was too optimistic to wish that perhaps I could spend more time with Namjoon and slowly discover who he truly was. But I certainly didn't expect to feel so excluded.

Slapping myself mentally, I stood up and slipped out the room. I didn't need to worry about someone stopping me because no one cared enough about me to notice I was gone.

Letting myself into our hotel room - Namjoon and mine's - I allowed the smile drop from my face and I lay on the bed. I knew I should go back and wish the boys good luck, but I was too tired to continue on the facade. I was only one day in and I didn't know if I could continue on with the tour.

Everything had changed.

Every dynamic I had with the boys had changed beyond recognition. Jin hardly spoke to me anymore, Jimin and Jungkook were too preoccupied to speak, Taehyung and Hoseok didn't seem to want to spend time with me, and Yoongi was always busy. And Namjoon's mood changed like lightening.

Maybe I was just being paranoid.

"Knock knock," I was broken out my thoughts by Namjoon appearing at the door looking literally ethereal.

I knew everyone on Twitter would be drooling over him.

"Can I have a good luck kiss?"

His cheeky smiled buried all the thoughts that had threatened to ruin me, and I jumped up to peck his lips. Smirking, he cupped the sides of my face, bringing me into a deeper kiss. 

I hated the way my whole body seemed to shut down whenever he touched me. It made me feel weak, and like a teenager hopelessly in love.

"Have fun changing history tonight," I whispered to him, secretly wishing for nothing more than for him to remain in that room with me.

But that was selfish of me.

Hours later, I scrolled through Twitter aimlessly as I looked at what everyone had been saying about the boys. I laughed at a video of Namjoon and Jungkook singing Jolene with all their hearts, and I felt a pang of FOMO hit me.

I knew that coming on tour would mean I would miss out on a lot, but I didn't expect myself to feel so petty about it. But as I read every tweet thirsting over the man I loved, I felt a little jealous that I had to share Namjoon with the world.

"This whole dating thing is so confusing," I mumbled to myself, forcing myself to switch off my phone.

At least before I understood where I stood. But this new world was so confusing that I could barely process what was happening.

The jealousy and selfishness inside me made me feel like a terrible person, but I couldn't control it. It was eating me up, filling my mind with horrible ideas every second.

And at the back of my head, Jackson's words repeated again and again like a hideously formidable omen.

-

ngl y/n being hella annoying and I'm making her that way - what am I doing?

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