Defiance

2.0

Chapter 20

E L Y S I A 

What can I do to make you love about me, love?

His words rang over and over in my head. It wasn't me. 

He must've thought I was Freya. 

He must have thought I was Freya. My heart began to ache in my chest. What if he knew it was me and still kissed me? Did he think I could be his mistress because we resided in the same room? 

But I didn't think that was true. If all he wanted from me was sex, he would have done something already. Besides, for most of the time I spend with Aldric, he seemed determined to not touch me.

I wanted to scream. Worst of all, the base of my neck still tingled; it craved for him. His hands were wrapped so tightly wrapped around my waist. 

At his single touch, I was melting. 

If the image of Freya didn't come to my mind, I would have something horrible. I was disgusted in myself. How could I want him despite knowing there was another woman he was with? How could I let him hold me like that? Why did I let him? My mind could only think of the girl Aldric was kissing.

You leaned back when he did it. You desire him, you still do. 

How could I have done this? How could I do this to another woman?

He would wake up tomorrow and not remember this but that doesn't change what happened. I would remember it all. I stared back at Aldric. He might be sleeping across his bed without a clue, but the guilt would eat me inside. 

At least it wasn't on the lips. Maybe if I hadn't left his chambers today, I would have never found out about Freya.

I might have let him kiss me. I might've even kissed him back.

When I woke up the next morning, Aldric was already gone. I was sure he'd be sleeping in; he had been mindlessly drunk last night but he still managed to get up before I did. I head towards the bathroom and bathe. Then I changed myself into a deep red dress that Aldric gave me. 

Once I was done, I stared at my reflection. In the time I had spent at Aldric's castle, for the first time, I could see the color back in my skin. Muscles were slowly growing back into my bony body and I could finally see the redness if my cheeks and the hollow darkness under my eyes lighten. I fixed the mess that was my hair and tied it braided to strands to the back. 

This was the best I could do to fix my appearance.

When I left the bathroom, I debated whether or not to drink the remaining of Aldric's wine that still stood on a side table or the plate of fruits he had bought for breakfast. It was far too early for wine, I decided. But I wanted the wine, I wanted to be as intoxicated or slightly - just to get him out of my system. 

He barely did anything, but all I could think of was wanting more, needing more. No one ever made me feel the way he did. 

It was disgusting. 

I definitely needed the wine, I decided. I grabbed a glass and poured the drink. And another. And another. Then I stopped, remembering how easily I get drunk. Besides, I had things to do.

I grabbed my magic book and then stopped.

I didn't want to read again. I rather travel through the castle.