Defiance

4.0

Chapter 40

E L Y S I A

"You're finally awake!" I was sure I was dreaming when I heard the voice.

Silas.

I blinked and caught sight of him, his dark hair and dark eyes. Silas smiled softly and held my hands. I cried out his name, wondering how short this dream would be.

"I wish you were here," I whispered.

Silas blinked. "I am here, Sia."

I stared at him longer, trying to analyze the softness of his features. I smiled gently and felt his hand hold me tight. Only then I realized what he said.

I am here.

I jumped into his arms. "SILAS!"

"Sia," Silas laughed. "If I knew you were going to be this happy to see me, I would've come much sooner."

I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"You know - you promised me you would keep in touch and didn't. That's the last time I trust you."

I couldn't respond. I only hugged him closer even though I knew I was hurting him. Yet, I couldn't find myself to care.

And then, the realization seemed to burn through me. The interactions between Aldric and Freya made it very clear where I stood. Why did you save him? I hissed at myself. I decided it was because Laric died so would I. This is what I got for calling my familiar - I bound our lives together.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

I didn't respond.

"Sia," Silas whispered, his hands caressing me gently. He lifted my face into his calm, caressing my cheeks gently. I glared at him. I ignored his hands and pulled myself back in his arms, my face hidden in the crook of his neck. 

Stay. 

Stay with me. 

I hated him so much fucking much. Why? You didn't want me. A rage of fire was in my stomach and more than anything, I wanted to let it go, to burn everything in its path but I shut my eyes. I said nothing even as Silas was gently holding me. He pulled my body until I was situated in his lap but I still nothing. He was whispering me words of kindness I didn't deserve. 

Traitor. I was a traitor. 

The witches would see Aldric in battle again. 

Traitor. Traitor. Traitor. 

My chest was heaving now, my heart burning. 

I couldn't even be loyal to my own kind. 

I wrapped my arms around Silas. I knew he could feel my wet eyelids and I wanted myself to stop. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve to sit here and cry in the arms of someone that cared about me, especially when I saved the life of our greatest threat. 

Traitor. The tugging in my chest was consistent, mocking me. I was a fucking traitor. 

"Please go," I whispered.

Silas blinked. "What?"

"Get out of here. Leave me alone."

Silas blinked a second time.

"Can you not hear me?" I yelled this time, pulling myself off his lap. "Leave."

"Sia -"

"Are you listening to me?" I hissed, my voice even louder and even more frustrated. "Get out of here!"