Raped

One Night

Amid the cold, motionless night, I can still clearly listen to my screams, their laughter and the sharp clicks of the camera. I was sitting by the edge of our roof, recalling everything that had happened exactly a year ago, on this very day. I closed my eyes, and took the deepest breath my lungs would allow. The cool air tickled my skin. Even now, my heart skips a beat. My anger, so tightly reined in seems to ignite. I feel like stabbing and choking them to death. 

Warm streams of tears gushed down my cheek, I looked at the sky and murmured, "Why can't I erase these thoughts. Why?" 

Within a fraction of a minute, anger welled up my chest. I could no longer tame it, to hold it back. I smashed all the flower pots that I found on our roof, kicked the metal door as hard as I could and screamed looking at the sky.

"You chose me. You could've stopped this from taking place, but you didn't. Why? Why didn't you? I need answers. Why did you let this happen?" I yelled until I could scream no more. 
"Stop it Halsey, calm down," as I turned around, I found my best friend Isaac, standing with hands shaking and a teary look in his eyes, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Hals. Please talk to me." 

Hearing this, my whole body went numb. The look in his eyes made me want to cry. This was the first time in a long time, I felt this weak and helpless. He scooted closer, took my hand, and looked dead straight into my eyes, "I am sorry, please forgive me." 

I was shocked to see him like this. Suddenly, all my anger started to fade away. What was wrong with me? I stood up, and walked towards the door. He again grabbed my arm, just when I shoved him off. I had enough. His presence was making me feel disgusting, I can no longer stand boys.

"Please, don't be sorry. You did nothing."

I rushed to the door, down the stairs and straight to my room. I locked the door, and cried. I always wanted to talk to him and sort everything, but now that he finally showed up, it was my ego that was holding me back. I don't want him to feel sorry for me. I headed to take a shower. It had been a long time since I have looked at the mirror, at my own reflection.
I still look pale and ugly, the scars are still visible.

Lying in my bed, I stared at the ceiling, thinking of Isaac, my mom, and everyone else. Nights have become excruciatingly long for me. I sleep three to four hours a day.

Thinking about everything that has been going on in my life, I fell asleep.