~The Book of Randomness~

~The Nineteenth Book of Randomness~

~Earplugs~

Dear people,

It is to my displeasure to inform you that there is a bottle of tomato ketchup behind you. It has the option to kill you at will. Want to escape this terrible fate? I'm afraid there is only one way to do so. First of all, you need to travel to Antarctica on a durian. A massive durian the size of an Orca. 

Once you have reached the freezing Antarctica, you must say something. Literally, say something. Now take a deep breath and bury yourself underneath all that fluffy snow and wait for global warming to melt it all.

Once the glorious snow has melted, you must travel back to your home in within seven seconds multiplied by about thirty-five thousand. And after that, the tomato ketchup will have no choice but to leave you alone. Why? It's simple - I LOVE GOO. YOU LOVE POO. WE ARE ALL MADE OF DOO-DOO. WITH A GREAT BIG DUG (squirrel) AND A CAT FROM ME TO YOU. WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE MOO-MOOS.

DSGFGDHGFJFDHJGFHGFDHFDGHFGHFG

I'm sorry about that. Espurr kinda wanted to stare into my soul, so I had to escape it by dancing like a madpan (get it? No? Hmph.) in a hole. Please don't hurt me, you know you love the Book of Randomness and you want me to kep updating... Right? No? Fine. I'll stop here. 

I REGRET NOTHING! WANT ME TO STOP UPDATING? TOO BAD, DEAL WITH MY WONDERFUL STORY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE I'M NOT STOPPING ANYTIME SOON!

~Morgan Freeman~