"No, we're not." The words rang in my ears. I replayed them over and over until they didn't even sound like words anymore. Of course, it was a lie. We were the only ones who knew it though. She just...she said it with such confidence and the words ripped through my heart. She must've seen the hurt in my eyes because she mouthed "I'm sorry". I rolled my eyes and then winked when nobody was looking. She smiled. I love her smile.
It had to be this way. It was rough. People were saying things. Saying she was using me. I know it wasn't true. I trusted Brooke Lynn. I watched her wipe away tears as I thought about what happened.
We really did break up. That wasn't a lie. The first few months of our relationship was extremely hard, as Brooke said. I was traveling, and he wasn't. One of my close friends decided to tell me that they thought Brooke Lynn was using me. It really put a strain on my confidence, and in turn, our relationship.
"Bitch, what you mean?" I yelled at them.
"I'm saying that I think Brooke Lynn was using you. I think that she knows how many fans you have, and how loved you are, and she's using that to her advantage."
"No, bitch, stop. Fuckin stop. You are so wrong, child. Brooke Lynn loves me."
My friend shrugged.
The words stuck with me though, and 2 weeks later we were breaking up.
"I just don't think this is for me right now, Vanj." We were Facetiming. I was on the road.
I just stared at him.
"I'm sorry. I just don't think this is the right time for us to be together. I love you."
I remained silent. I didn't know what to say. I was crushed. My romantic heart was crushed.
So, we hung up, and we didn't talk again for a month and a half. Once the season started, and our onscreen romance started happening, we started talking again.
Brookie: I can't believe you wore all those swimsuits, Vanj
Me: Don't laugh at me!!! I'll beat yo ass, child
Brookie: Oh, stop. You looked cute! 😉
Me:Yeah well you was the only one who thought so, bitch.
It was little things like that. But then I was in Brooke's hometown and he invited me over. Things went from there and we decided to get back together. We didn't tell anyone because we were just figuring stuff out and didn't want to be in the spotlight before we absolutely had to. We didn't keep it completely hidden though. We gave the kids a show, Mary. I couldn't help it. I was having fun!
My elimination episode rolled around and, child, I was in a funk. It was hard to watch that shit again. But Brooke Lynn helped me through it. She video called me from the club. My heart was happy.
Everyone wanted to know the tea though. They wanted us to tell them if we were still together. We were asked not to confirm until the reunion. Even at the reunion, we wanted to tell everyone, but we weren't ready.
We were together when the finale was airing. That day, we were in my hotel room talking.
"So, when do you think we should go public?"
"Shit, I don't know. We can't keep it a secret forever though."
Officially being public with Brooke Lynn scared me. I was right though; we couldn't keep it a secret forever.
Brooke Lynn was silent.
"Whatchu thinkin, boo?"
Long pause.
"If I win tonight, can I tell the world that you're mine?"
I thought about it for a second.
"Yes boo. Let's do it. Now, go get ready." I kiss my boo on his cheek and send him down the hall with butterflies in my stomach.
I sat off to the side during the viewing party. Mostly silent, but every now and then I'd yell about how I could still win this shit, and everyone would laugh. Brooke would periodically catch my eye and send me a wink and a kiss. I mostly sat there thinking. What if Brooke doesn't win? Are we staying a secret? She never mentioned what would happen in that case. Hm. Guess we are about to find out....
"And the winner, of RuPaul's Drag Race Season 11 is...."
