"No, we're not." The words ripped out of my mouth and through my heart. How could I have said such a thing so calmly? I looked over at my love and mouthed "I'm sorry". He rolled his eyes. He looked so cute when he did that. Then he winked. I wiped my tears and thought to myself: how did I get so lucky? For real though, why did he love me? I broke his heart, and for such selfish reasons.
I was scared. I had never had a boyfriend before! Commitment was terrifying. I didn't want to hurt him. I love him very much. We had been broken up for a month when we reconnected. The season had premiered, and our romance debuted. Watching it replay was easier knowing that we were talking again.
Vanjie was near and I invited him over for dinner. That night changed everything. It was our new beginning.
This time we kept it a secret. We weren't telling anybody yet. I wasn't having a repeat of what happened the first time.
"Get them toeeees away from me, Mary!" Vanjie giggled that night. We were sitting on the couch, and I wanted to put my feet on his lap. He wasn't having it. I gave him the pouty lip.
"Well that's just not fair, child. You look too darn cute when you do that."
"Made you smile." He looked like he hadn't smiled in weeks.
Over the next few weeks, I fell even more in love, if that was even possible. We showed it a little (or a lot) on social media too. The fans loved the flirting.
I won't lie, I was still scared. But I wasn't going to let that keep me from being happy.
The finale filming came and went, I was feeling very confident. I might actually win this shit! We filmed the reunion next. This was very difficult. First of all, I had to sit on the opposite side from Vanjie, which sucked. Then, we had decided to keep "us" a secret for now. It was causing us pain.
The week we filmed the reunion, the episode where Vanjie went home played. I knew it would be hard for her, so I facetimed her while I was at the club. Everyone lost their minds.
When the reunion aired, I watched it over again with the same pain when I heard those words come out of my mouth. I had to text him.
Me: I love you
Jose<3: I love you, boo boo.
Me: I can't wait to see you in a few days. Then we go on tour.
Jose<3: We'll be ok right?
Me: Absolutely. No matter what.
"If I win," I said the day of the finale, "can I tell everyone that you're mine?"
After a moment of silence, Vanjie said yes, and then he kicked me out of his room.
When I was walking back to my room, a thought popped into my head. What if I didn't win? I didn't want to keep it a secret, that's for sure. We were about to go on tour. I didn't want to pretend. I'll do it anyways. I was anxious to hear the fans' reactions; I just hoped they weren't angry ones.
Fast forward to that evening. The viewing party for the finale. I was a bundle of nerves. As I sat and watched the episode, I knew how it was going to end.
"And the winner, of RuPaul's Drag Race Season 11 is....... Yvie Oddly!"
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me for just a slight second, but I ignored it and I hugged my friend. I was a winner in my own way. I need to be happy for Yvie. After they interviewed Yvie, they came over to me.
"How are you feeling right now Brooke Lynn?"
"Well, I am so very proud of Yvie, I can't wait to see what she does with the platform. As for me, I already feel like a winner. Vanjie? Can you come here?"
Vanjie looked confused and walked over to me. I hugged my love, and I said, "the only prize I need is this bitch right here!" and then I kissed Vanjie in front of everyone watching. The cheers for us were almost as loud as they were for Yvie.
I don't know what my future holds. All I know is that right now, I am living my best life!
So, someone on Instagram sparked this idea for me. Go follow branjietrash on insta. Also, follow vanjies_toes :) I'll have another story up soon. I think it's going to be Trixya.
