There was a knock on the door. I couldn't bring myself to answer. I couldn't bring myself to do anything right now. It took so much energy. Energy that I didn't have.
"Babe?"
Trixie. Next thing I knew she was at my side.
"Babe?" she said again, "everyone is downstairs. They want to help. What should I tell them?"
Still, I couldn't answer.
"Katya?"
I looked at her, tears in my eyes. She reached up and wiped them away and rested her hand on my cheek.
"I know it feels like your world is over, but I promise everything will be okay baby."
Anger filled my chest.
"How can you say that?" I said through my teeth.
Her hand dropped from my face, and sadness filled her eyes.
"I'm sorry, you're right."
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to snap at you."
The truth was, I didn't know if I would be okay.
That day replayed in my head on repeat. I was at work, and I got a call from my dad.
"Hello?"
"Katya, it's dad." Instantly I knew something was wrong.
"Hey dad, what's up?"
Everything seemed to speed up. My mom was on her way to the grocery store that morning when she was involved in a car accident. She didn't make it. Everything I knew was over. My life was changing. My mom was my best friend and it was all gone in an instant.
Coming back to the present, I got up and went downstairs. My whole family was here. We were preparing for the funeral. Well, attempting to. I don't know how you can be prepared for a parent's funeral. I was ready to have it over with.
The day of the funeral arrives, and I slip on my black knee length dress, and I pin my hair back out of my face. It was going to be a long day. But I felt calm. Last night I had a dream that my mom was standing next to me at the funeral home. She hugged me and let me know she was near. I didn't even bother with makeup today. I knew I'd be crying.
"Are you ready to go?" I asked Trixie. It was weird, seeing her in black. She normally wears pastels.
"Yeah, I'll drive." She kissed my cheek and we got into the car.
I hugged what felt like thousands of people, it was all a blur. At the cemetery, I said the final goodbye to my mom, the woman who gave me life, and I said I was sorry if I ever disappointed her. I hugged my dad, and I kissed my grandma. Trixie didn't leave my side the whole time. She was my rock. I knew I could get through this if she was by my side.
That night, as I laid in bed, the love of my life in my arms, I thought about how different my life was about to be. This is my new normal.
"I love you, Trixie. Thank you for being there for me today."
"Katya, I love you very much. You are stuck with me, honey."
This was tough for me to write. Sorry if it's not very good
