A Harrowing Tale (New Amsterdam)

See You Again

Casey had always been the guy I counted on while heading the emergency department. He was dependable, strong, a quick thinker, and wasn't afraid to tell me what he thought about what I was doing, and his witty remarks daily kept me on my toes since the moment we met. He was one person I kept by my side which was quite the feat since my family never trusted anyone.

"Hey." Casey appeared suddenly beside my bed, one hand on my shoulder which signaled comfort as he smiled down at me with more compassion than I had ever witnessed from working with him. We had gained a silent language, one where we could read between the lines after working so closely with one another. Even through my foggy haze, I could tell he was trying a little too hard to stay upbeat. "I can't tell you how good it is to see your face again. You gave us all quite a scare."

"She's awake?" Candelario's voice seemed to boom from the doorway as she snapped on her gloves. That sound, along with a dozen other ones, was something you never forgot, especially when you put on what seemed like a hundred of them during your shift.

"Awake and alert at the moment," Casey reported, stepping to the front of the gurney so Candelario could examine me. Awake and alert was part of the standard procedure of removing my breathing tube sustaining my oxygen and breathing. The other requirements were having adequate oxygen, arterial blood gas, sitting up in bed and having a presence of a spontaneous cough. Although I wasn't so sure I met all of those specifications yet. I barely knew what was going on right now. "Blood pressure is holding."

"Good." Dr. Candelario pulled her stethoscope from around her neck to listen to my heart and lungs. "Is she responding to you at all?"

"I've been working with Dr. Bloom for years and I know her well enough to tell you most of what she's thinking." If I could have grinned, I would have. Internally, I made a noise I was pretty sure never reached the surface.

"Interesting." Dr. Candelario mused for a moment before placing her stethoscope back around her neck. "Fortunately, I can't read minds. Which leaves me to ask," She turned around to pull the pain level chart from off the stand next to me. "Okay, Lauren. I'm going to need you to blink twice for what level of pain you're in." I hadn't tested movement in my hands, but I was going to do more than just blink my eyes in response. It took a few moments but I raised my stiff fingers barely off the bed to point to the zero.

"Zero." Dr. Candelario's tone was filled with disbelief as she raised her eyebrows. I didn't miss the exchanged look the two of them had with each other. "Are you sure?" I blinked once for yes, physically acknowledging I was in no pain. I knew it sounded too good to be true, but since I couldn't actually defend myself with words, this response would have to be enough for now. Instead, I felt like I had used a lot of energy just responding, my eyelids growing heavy, courtesy of whatever drugs were coursing through my veins.

"Lauren." Casey tilted his head to the side as if he couldn't believe what I was alluding to. Yes, he knew me well, but at this moment I didn't feel anything. My last thought before slipping into sleep was me wondering how badly injured I was and wanting to take a look but I had limited range of mobility at the moment, as well as a blanket covering my body

I must have not opened them again because I was back in that same dark room with the high ceiling and a mirror now standing up on its own. Although I didn't seem to be retaining much information in general, it made a little more sense that I couldn't speak when in my hospital room.

Is anyone here, or am I just going to be trapped in this darkened room whenever I fall back asleep?

I wandered around the room a little more, mostly surveying the standing mirror that had no stand. It was both peculiar and weird. I walked a few steps to the right, finally catching a small hidden opening, covered with the same material as the wall. Trying to find something I didn't even know I was trying to find was like heading a secret covert mission in the woods.

Pulling the material back, I ducked through the door which led to a long hall lined with maroon fabric this time. Floating lights above me cast eerie shadows as I walked down the narrow hall. Just as I reached my hand towards the dark wooden door, a familiar voice sounded behind me.

"Lauren." It was my sister Vanessa, who looked surprisingly stable for being committed to rehab four times over a span of many years. In fact, she looked normal. In this version of her, she was wearing a blue sweatshirt and white jeans. Her dark brown hair was curly and pulled up into a loose ponytail.

"Vanessa?" My first instinct was to walk right up to her and give her a hug, tell her she looked great. However, something told me, even in this place, she hadn't forgiven me for leaving her.

"Yeah, I'm here." Vanessa put her sleeve up to her mouth, which I recognized as something she had done since she was little. It was her way of seeking comfort when she needed it, and I guess even with whatever this place was, she needed it. "Although, I'm not sure why. You're the one who left me, remember? If I had a choice, I wouldn't be here."

"And I have always regretted leaving you, okay, Ness? My hands fell back to my side as I turned to face her. "Do you think it wasn't hard for me to just walk out the door and leave you? I cried for months afterward and have lived with that guilt ever since."

"Good for you!" Vanessa screeched with rage and she took one step towards me. It wasn't a surprising reaction. I figured that if I was standing next to her in real life, she would have this same reaction. "Is that what you want me to say? Do you want me to give you some reward or a pat on the back for leaving me alone with our alcoholic mother?"

"You're right. I can't take back leaving you." I felt my whole body shaking by this point. I chose to ignore it as the frustration lingered through every part of me. "She was never the mother we needed after Dad passed away. I don't expect you to understand any of it, or why I left."

"Why did you leave?" The anger that had been fueling her a few minutes ago was now quickly fading into smoldering ashes, now replaced with sorrow at being left behind.

"I left because every day I saw kids who had better lives than us, lived better than us even with all the things mom bought or didn't buy us. The crappy life we were in, I realized we didn't have to live that way."

"I wish you could have shown me the way to live. It looks like you did well for yourself." Her tone almost mocking like she wasn't quite over the things she wanted to tell me.

"For a while, I did." I nodded, highly doubting the words coming out of my mouth. If I hadn't left home when I did, I would have ended up living on the streets. Maybe I would have been begging for money to fuel my drug addiction. I'm not sure how well I'm doing at the moment."

"Well, don't start feeling guilty now." She teased, sulking for good measure as she looked up at me with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "You may have been injured but we still have a lot to talk about when you wake up. So, wake up, Lauren. Show me what this world you're living in is really like."