A Harrowing Tale (New Amsterdam)

Questions--Part One

"Lauren. It's good to see you awake." Dr. Candelario stepped to the end of my bed. It had now been a week and a half since the accident and I had finally been moved from the ICU. I was also staying awake more, which was kind of a good and bad thing since that meant I was more aware of my surroundings "How are you feeling?"

"If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I would be extremely rich by now."

"Probably true." Dr. Candelario laughed, quite amused as she held my chart out in front of her. "You know we only ask so you get the best care."

"Mmm." I nodded my head, understanding where she was coming from when she said that. As a doctor, I had strived to take the very best care of my patients. On the other hand, I was struggling to voice my thoughts when it came to myself.

"Lauren, how are you feeling emotionally?" My gaze flickered up to hers but only for a few seconds as my mouth parted open to respond. "Dr. Goodwin mentioned you were giving up being head of the emergency department."

"Right now I just want to get off all these drugs, so I can actually think straight." Turning my head into the direction of the machine, I read the rate of medicine flowing through that tube into my veins. I was more than discouraged how much medicine they were pumping through me, despite their knowledge of me being in rehab. "Also, for the record, I've already told a few people, but I would like to keep it to that circle of people until I'm discharged."

"I completely understand you wanting to go out without all the fuss. Although, you should know those same coworkers you're not telling this news to are the same ones who have been disappointed to find your ban on visitors still hasn't been lifted." She nodded respectfully, closing my file and set it on the small table behind her.

"I can imagine they gave you an earful for that one."

"Some of them." Her smile said everything as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her white coat. Every doctor had a telling sign of when they were irritated or unsatisfied. Mine was putting my hands on my hips, hers was shoving her hands into her pockets. "Just so you're aware, I know of your situation. However, the injuries you sustained during the crash were quite extensive and your blood pressure would not stabilize without them."

"I understand that. Now it's been almost a week and a half since the accident. I know my injuries won't automatically heal themselves, but I also didn't just go to rehab just to mess it all up for myself."

"Lauren, your injuries consist of a concussion, broken ribs, left broken leg, a large gash on your head, a lacerated liver and bruised pelvis. I don't have to tell you how serious those injuries are because you already know they can cause numerous problems. Not to mention the pain it can cause while you're recovering."

"I can handle it," I stated adamantly, standing my ground. While some part of me was more aware of the pain, I could either care less about it. I couldn't chance a recovery I had apparently been waiting so long for.

"Tell you what. Let's start weaning you off whatever we can. If your blood pressure stays stable, then we will put a plan into action to get you off them completely."

"Fine." My eyes flickered over to the door to see Helen standing there in a loose white shirt, maroon colored jeans and flats. "I guess you heard all that?" I questioned as she held the door open for Dr. Candelario to pass by.

"I think I got the gist of it.." As she approached slowly, I could see the cuts on her face, some more faded than others that signified she had been in an accident."You want to get off something that could possibly relapse your recovery."

"Then you understand I can't go back to the person I once was."

"I do. Which is why I'm fighting for your recovery, wholeheartedly." She gazed outside the door where Dr. Candelario had her back turned to us while talking to another nurse. "In fact, if you hadn't seen me when you did, I would have been outside having some lengthy conversation with Dr. Candelario instead of talking to you."

"Which leaves me to consider why you were standing by my door in the first place."

"Mostly I've caught you sleeping while passing by when I'm here at the hospital." Helen slumped down in the chair, which I had to say was slightly unusual compared to how proper she was as both an individual and doctor. "And before you ask, no I'm technically not back yet."

"What's stopping you?"

"This rather large bump on the back of my head has finally gone down, but I'm still experiencing some headaches and dizziness. Kind of a post-concussion headache for hitting the back of the ambulance cab."

"Ouch." I felt myself physically wince, not because I had heard a lot about the accident but because hearing it out loud was only causing it to become more and more real to me.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do next?" Helen questioned, although hesitantly since the last time we had really spoken was when she had turned me in to Max. I guess I felt some of that same hesitation because I wasn't really sure how to respond. I knew that without her, I would have ended in some deep dark place. Perhaps I would have eventually killed myself by addiction, or fatally injured someone that I could never recover from. On the other hand, I believed she could be a friend and not say anything.

"After I get out of here?" She nodded softly as she placed her hand against her cheek. "I thought I would burn a few bridges with my mom and sister. Who knows. Maybe I can be to them what you were all to me."

"Have you told Max you're leaving?"

"A few days ago." Pulling up the edge of the tape holding my IV, I scratched the itch that had been bugging me on and off throughout our conversation. "Haven't seen him since then, but then again he's running a hospital, battling cancer, trying to raise a newborn and his wife is in the hospital."

"He has a lot on his plate right now." She turned her head towards the door. "It seems like we all do these days. You, me, Max--"

"What is going on with Dr. Frome?" I asked out of the blue. I didn't want to dodge the situation that was making me question things. It wasn't as if I could just get up anymore.

"And we're going straight to it."

"Like I told Dr. Reynolds. I don't have much room for small talk anymore. It's kind of what they drilled into us in rehab. So I'm working on it in any way I can."