A Harrowing Tale (New Amsterdam)

Drops of Jupiter

"You know you're making a lot of people jealous just by letting me into the room right now." Floyd slipped in with an extremely amused expression as he let the sliding door close. "Especially after putting specific instructions for no visitors, and then asking for me by name to come in here.

"I know. I'm a horrible person." I was trying to stay upbeat at the prospect of sitting in this bed day after day, but I was also growing weary of the same old routine of doctors and nurses, and coworkers coming in or hovering in front of my room like I needed to be watched. "Somebody I haven't always seen eye to eye while working here, and now you're about the only one I want to talk to."

"I'm flattered." He pulled up a chair again, and for a moment I felt normal as if we were sitting around a table having lunch. "Although, I wasn't exactly the best friend to you while you were working here. Now you're still considering leaving the hospital. Please tell me you told Max."

"He came in earlier with Luna. Said Georgia was recovering. Iggy came too before that. Both were oddly vague about how she was really doing."

"The truth is, she's hanging in there." Floyd began, changing his tone to not making it sound like he was joining the chorus and being vague. "Like you, she's in a coma. She ended up waking up by herself last night, but she's still in that grey area where no one really knows what's going to happen."

"You know I didn't really think about what I was doing when I got to Max's apartment," I said, even though the whole day still felt so fuzzy, including what happened during the time of the crash, besides what came back to me. "When he opened that door covered in blood all over his shirt and hands, it was like telling him everything just went out the window."

No, it's not me. It's Georgia. Max's words flickered over me like some kind of bad dream as we both stood at the door--me about to explain that I was quitting and him agonizing for his wife and daughter.

"I bet that wasn't easy for either of you."

"He could barely form a sentence, let alone make a decision. I asked him what happened and walked into the apartment."

"You took charge." He stated, imagining the situation that had taken place between me and Max. "Definitely sounds like something you would do."

"I did what I had to do. I was all for waiting for the paramedics and letting them make the call, but I knew they were too far away. I had to do something or Georgia and Luna wouldn't have a chance at surviving."

"So you delivered her baby."

"Yeah. It was a dangerous decision. I'm pretty sure I delivered Luna and packed Georgia's stomach with whatever towels we could find."

"How do you feel about medicine now?" Floyd asked without missing a beat, without any judgment as he sat there beside my bed and listened for my response.

"Like I'm a liability to this hospital, and I should get out of here as soon as possible."

"You feel like you're a liability? Come on Lauren, you know that's not true."

"I just went to rehab. Now I'm back in the hospital pumped full of drugs. What was the point of spending all that money, detoxing, and doing hours of therapy if I'm right back where I started?"

"I don't know." He was being more than honest with me, and I loved him for it. "What I do know is you don't stop without a fight, so what's holding you back? What made you jump into an ambulance after saving two people when you could have taken a taxi and gone home?

"I don't know." I had to ask myself that question to try and figure out the question. "I guess I hoped something inside me would change my mind when I stepped back into New Amsterdam.

Why didn't I go home that day? I had to ask myself that question again, even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer to that question. At the time, I was reconsidering not leaving. Now the thought of coming back to the hospital made me nothing but anxious and uncertain."

"You were trying to make peace with what happened."

"Yeah. In some way, I guess I did make peace. I went to rehab and cleared my mind of anything remotely to do with work. I had way more time on my hands to think of other things than I have in years. You know at one point I even thought about going to see my mom and sister at one point. Still am."

"Really?"

"I told you I had a lot of time on my hands. I chuckled once before my happiness faded and I grew serious. "I never thought I would be at this point where I would have to choose what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Max mentioned we all become doctors for a reason, but what if I don't have a reason anymore?"

"Then you find one. And if you can't find one, maybe that's when you walk away and cut your losses." He stated seriously, although somewhere in there I could see his words didn't quite match up with what he thought I should do. "I meant it when I said you were an exceptional doctor, and that I would never question your judgment again."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't mean--"

"Yeah, you did." He interrupted, chuckling loudly as it echoed around the room. "And I deserved it after insulting your abilities as a doctor. So if I haven't said it before, I'm telling you now that you are a good doctor. You just have to believe that you are." He paused, smirking boldly at me. "That's why you called me here, isn't it? So I could talk you out of something you didn't know you could go forward with?"

"Maybe."