Paper Scars || camren

Chapter Twenty

Lauren awoke for the fourth time that night, fed up with tossing and turning. No matter what she did, she felt uncomfortable. She got up with a huff and made her way into the dark lounge, walking over to the small fridge to grab a bottle of water. The fridge light illuminated the room and Lauren jumped when she saw a petite silhouette sitting on the couch.

"Jesus, Camila. What the fuck are you doing?" She whispered, clutching the water bottle close to her chest as if that would've protected her had it been someone else.

Camila laughed lightly. "I was out here thinking. I had a light on, but I turned it off when I heard footsteps. I didn't think it would be you. Are you having trouble sleeping?" She reached over to turn a small light on so Lauren felt comfortable shutting the fridge.

"A little." Lauren admitted, taking a sip of her water. "It's funny." Camila looked up at her with interest. "I don't think I'll ever get used to sleeping without you lying there next to me. I never slept while I was in the—" She froze. "Over break, I mean." She cursed herself for being so careless but continued to help cover her slip. "The only time I can sleep is if you're next to me, isn't that weird? Either that or I have to be super hammered." She smiled at her attempt to make fun of herself while Camila's lips formed a straight line. "Oooookay. Not funny?"

"I miss you." Camila whispered, wincing when she heard Lauren let out a long sigh.

"Don't do this. We're doing good right now."

Camila nodded, trying to convince herself of that. "Okay." Lauren felt a twinge of guilt and made her way over to the small girl, taking a seat next to her.

"You're not allowed to come out here to sit and think anymore. At least, not at 1 AM." She smirked for a second before she saw Camila's unchanging expression. She pulled Camila toward her, pulling her legs over to lay on top of Lauren's thighs. Camila immediately rested the side of her head on Lauren's shoulder and breathed in deeply. "Are you okay, Camila?" She felt a small nod on her shoulder. "Are you sure?" Another subtle nod. "Since when are you the emotional one?" Lauren made one last attempt to crack a joke, this one failing miserably just like the others.

"I don't know what I am with you." Camila spoke softly, reaching her hand up to trace her fingertips on Lauren's collarbone. Truthfully, she hadn't been able to get Lauren's drunken confession of love out of her head. Was it just the alcohol talking or did Lauren really love her? Sure, Lauren had kept the shirt, but there was still the everlasting question burned into Camila's mind: Who would love you? This is what kept Camila up at night. Was she good enough to be loved? Who would love her? Was it a boy or a girl? Was it supposed to matter if it was a girl? Or a boy? What if that someone was Lauren? Did she love Lauren back? Did Lauren even love her? Was she supposed to fall for Austin? Did she feel the same way for Austin that she did with Lauren? No. Camila could answer that one. Could she feel the same way for Austin that she did for Lauren? She couldn't answer that one. "Do you remember when we watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?" Lauren nodded. "I asked you if you would erase me like that girl erased her love. You know, if you had the option, what you would do."

"I remember." Lauren stated, rubbing Camila's legs gently, trying to make her ease up.

"You told me that you'd thought about it but ultimately decided that you wouldn't. That you would erase everything but me?" The last part came out more like a question and Lauren looked at her confused. "Would you still say that? I mean after everything I've done—after everything we've been through."

Lauren looked sick. "Oh, Camila. What did you do?"

Camila met their eyes, a look of terror in them. "Nothing, I swear. Nothing new."