Paper Scars || camren

Chapter Twenty Five

Normani laid wide awake in her bunk, the faint sounds of cars whizzing by appearing from time to time. She guessed it was around one or two in the morning, and she hadn't slept in about a week. Where were they even going to perform tomorrow? What state were they going to? Normani had lost track. She hadn't been in her right mind for days, ever since her fight with Lauren. The two girls hadn't been on good terms recently, and it was really getting to her. The last time she remembered being this distant from Lauren was when she was unconscious in a bed, and even after that she didn't talk for weeks. The lasting feeling of that haunted her to no end—that she was losing her friend again. The familiar exhaustion, weariness, and everlasting anxiety about what was going to happen next, what signs she needed to look for, how she was supposed to be acting around her—it was all becoming too much. The other girls didn't understand; no one did. They didn't understand why she was acting this way and it had always been that way. They've never understood.

-

"Normani, you need to go home. Your mom is worried sick and you look like you haven't showered or even slept in days, weeks maybe." Ally furrowed her eyebrows together in concern, taking a seat next to the detached girl. "Normani?" She spoke again when she was met with silence.

"I need to stay." She had to hide the shock that was spreading across her own face. She hadn't heard herself talk in forever, she almost forgot she had a voice. Her eyes remained fixed on the white wall in front of her, and she was coated with an overwhelming scent of latex and disinfectant spray. "What if she wakes up?" Her eyes flitted to the open door where she always hoped a smiling doctor would be standing. When there was nothing, her eyes flew back to the white wall.

Ally sighed and rested a hand on Normani's knee, frowning when she saw her flinch. "Dinah and I went home, Normani. But we still come back to visit her, to see her." She was dissatisfied when the girl emitted no response. "You can go home and see your family in Texas, rest in your own home."

"I'm staying with Clara." She spoke through gritted teeth.

"Except you're not, Mani." Dinah chipped in. Normani hadn't even noticed she was there. "You might have your stuff in the hotel room where she is staying, but have you been there once? We get why she stays; I mean, she's her mom. But you don't have to stay, Mani. You can go home." She took the seat on the other side of Normani. "That's what Lauren would want. She wouldn't want you losing your mind over this, torturing yourself in this hospital waiting room."

Normani whipped her head to look at Dinah, watching as the Polynesian girl took in a quick breath of air at her appearance. Her eyes moved back and forth with Dinah's before she spoke, her voice laced with bitterness. "We don't know what Lauren wants. Don't you get it?" Dinah was speechless, and so was Ally. "Don't you understand? She tried to kill herself." She choked out the words, not wanting to believe them herself. "You expect me to just go home? Two thousand miles away from the hospital where my best friend is? Put on a Beyoncé album and forget about it? She's not waking up, Dinah. You want me to leave her? You think I'm crazy, is that it? That I'm losing my mind?" She took a moment to regain her composure, fixating her gaze back on the white wall in front of her. "No." She stated simply, her voice calm. "You're the fucking crazy ones. You don't understand. You never will. So, stop trying."

"We're worried about her, too." Ally spoke softly, her tone almost scared. She looked at an unchanging expression.

"You should go home. Both of you." Normani clenched her jaw. "That's what Lauren would want." Throwing Dinah's words back at her, the girls stood up hesitantly. They pitied her, of course. Thought she was weak. Threw a 'take care of yourself' over their shoulders before they skipped out. No, Normani wasn't going to ignore this like they wanted to. They wanted to believe their little group was fine, that they weren't guilty of anything. 'We couldn't stop her.' and 'There was nothing we could do.' wasn't going to work anymore. Normani wasn't going to let that come out of anyone's mouth anymore. She would never forgive herself, either, for once being that person. For letting Lauren down.