Thoughts, lies and memories | DAMON BGT

•14•

David

Everyone was happy.
The BGT gang was happy.
I was happy.

The days of auditions had come to an end, and after the simple party in the auditorium, everyone decided it would be okay to go to Simon's house.

I was happy, really.

But...

I had said that I would go first to my house to change for something more comfortable.
The neck of the shirt had been unbearable all day.

Black sports pants, a white shirt. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face.
I was about to take the towel and dry, but I stopped.

I watched my reflection in the mirror.
Scars. They shone through the light.
I had never paid attention to them. I ran a finger through them: one on my jaw, one near my eyebrow, one on my right cheek...

A blow.

FUCKING FAGGOT!

Another punch.

David!

KILL HIM!

His hand and mine joined.

Me falling.

A kiss.

Many kisses.

A session of making love.

Simon. Simon. Simon.
My Simon.

A restaurant.

...

My cell phone rings.
The thread of thought is cut and I take a breath several times.
I didn't know I had stopped breathing.
I was dizzy.

My hands were shaking.

"...hello?"

"Hey Dave, are you ready? I sent a driver for you"

"I-I was going, I'm going" I stumbled when I spoke. I couldn't concentrate.

"David? are you okay?" He sounded worried.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm on my- my way."

"Are you su-?"

I hung up.
I left the house.

"Good night, Mr. Walliams. Mr. Cowell asked me to take you to his place."

I couldn't answer and I just got in the car.
It really wasn't in me.
My thought kept reproducing images, many images.

"Excuse me, can we go to the restaurant Dobson n' Johannes?"

"Excuse me but Mr. Cowell-"

"I know, I know. It'll be quick don't worry"
.
.
.

We got there in no time.

It was a very elegant restaurant.
Large windows made it possible to see inside, and it was very full.

I got out of the car and crossed the road without looking to the sides, making several cars whistle at me. But I didn't care.

I looked through the glass and glanced everywhere, until I stopped at a particular table.

He sits in front of me.

I'm joking about what a beautiful place he had chosen for our 'date'.

He blushes.

We had dinner.

He said to wait, he had something to say to me.

I like you. I really like you.

His fingers touch mine, discreetly.

I smile.

I like you too, Si.

I came back to reality.
Everything clicked.
And it hurt a lot.