Subject 0: The mistake

The Operation

I believe in myself. I am strong enough. I know that you can't break me but, if you really love me, promise me you won't try...

"Luna..."
"It's fine. Don't move."
"Luna, please stop I'm alright. It's just a cut."
"It's not just a cut, it's multiple cuts some of whom are deep enough that may need stitches. And even if it was just a cut, you and I both now that in this place infections are as common as a shouting Alby."
He gave a weak laugh: "Can't argue with that Greenie. But don't they need you?" he asked pointing a finger at the closed door behind us.
"What could I do?" I more said then asked while never taking my eyes off of a particularly deep scratch on his thigh and dabbing it with a little rubbing alcohol to disinfect it before wrapping it with a bandage.
"Luna, I..."
At that moment there was a scream so loud from behind the door that I had to shut my eyes closed and squeeze my hands tightly, thank god I had already tied the bandages, or I would have surely cut the circulation by tying them too tight.
"Luna are you alright?" Minho asked placing his hand on my shoulder.
"No" I said "But it doesn't really matter." I answered opening my eyes and going to work on another one of his scratches.
Minho looked at me with a socked expression, I guess he wasn't expecting me to be so honest, but I was so exhausted and stressed that faking being alright was too much work.
While I was finishing up with Minho, cleaning all the small cuts and bandaging the bigger ones to stop the bleeding until an actual Medjack could see to it, Jeff run out of the infirmary with a panicked look on his face.
"Luna!" he exclaimed while coming next to me and pulling me towards the door by the arm. He didn't have time to explain because before he could make me go into the room I pulled my hand out of his grip with a frantic motion.
"Luna, I know you are stressed and probably confused and scared, but we need you right now, ok?" He said more calmly this time, looking me straight in the eyes. "He needs you right now" he continued more sternly when I didn't react.
At that I choked back a sob and shook my head negatively, tears streaming down my face.
"Luna! Snap out of it! You are a Medjack aren't you?! Well, act like one!" He shouted grabbing my shoulders and making me look at him.
"What could I even do?! I am panicking and shaking like a leaf! The only thing I could do is disinfect his wounds with my tears!" I shouted right back feeling hopeless and useless and hating it.
"We wouldn't ask you to come if we didn't think you could help. So come." And with that he tagged me towards the door and this time I didn't resist, following him silently into the infirmary.
In there I saw Clint bent over the bed working with quick moves on different spots on Newt's body.
"Oh Luna thank god! Come here, quick!" He said clearly stressed and upset. I moved closed to him never raising my head from the ground, to avoid looking at Newt's unconscious form.
"Jeff and I can handle the wounds on his body, we are running a little low on supplies but we still managed to stop the bleeding on his head" he said quickly while Jeff started wrapping with swift moves a still bleeding gash near his shoulder. "But we have a problem with his foot." Clint continued solemnly and turning to look at me he explained:
"It's clear that he fell from a big height, but his leg was caught in some vines so tightly that it cut of the circulation. Now that we unwrapped it the blood flow is too strong for us to handle. The worst part is there is piece of wood is stuck in there, probably piercing some important vessel. We tried to take it out with some tweezers but there was too much blood and we couldn't do it, but trying again would mean using more disinfectant and we can't afford that. So someone needs to take it out with their fingers. Our's are too thick and would do more bad then good, so you need to do it."
I don't understand how he thought I could get all of that. The only thing that stuck out was blood, finger and 'you need to do it' and I didn't like that combination at all. I started stuttering my negative response, something along the lines 'bitch you're crazy, I'll go throw up now' but before I could get it out, I was interrupted by Newt's pained groan.
He needs you. Why would he need me? I don't know but he does. What are you going to do?
"I'm going to help" I said nodding as if trying to reassure myself.
"Oh thank God, she snapped out of it" Jeff mumbled "Wash your hands" Clint ordered me.
And so I was rushed into my first actual 'operation' as a Medjack and nonetheless on a person that I cared deeply for.
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The next part is pretty fuzzy in my memory. I remember being freaked out, I remember being focused but I don't remember anything else. At some point the piece of wood was out and his blood started rushing out. Around the same time, I was also rushing out of the room with tears rushing down my face, while Clint and Jeff rushed to stitch up the wound. All in all lots of rushing...
I was sitting on the chair outside the room breathing deeply, my hands shaking and still bloody because I couldn't find the strength to stand, much less go wash them, while the two official Medjacks cleaned up, when a fuming Alby came running up the stairs. He stopped at the top of them for a moment to catch his breath and then his wild looking eyes locked with my tearful ones. Minho was close behind him and I realised that at some point between my panic attacks he must have left to go talk with our leader.
"Where is he?" He all but spat in my face.
"Inside" I answered weakly, barely more than a whisper.
He went to move into the room when the door opened and Clint came out of the room looking tired but satisfied.
"Whoa whoa whoa!" He shouted putting his hand out like a barrier between Alby and the doors. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Let me see that suckface right now!" Alby shouted spit coming out of his mouth.
"Look you can't go in right now. Jeff is still finishing up in there and he's not even awake yet. One of us will stay with him through the night and you can talk to him when he wakes up ok? For now it's better if we just let him rest, let his body do some healing. He's lost a lot of blood he'll probably be out of it for a while..." Clint explained with a tone that didn't leave any room for disagreement.
"All done" Jeff came out of the room, "What's going on here?"
"Alby barging in here like he owns the place" Clint said pointing a lazy finger over his shoulder at a still fuming Alby.
"Well he can't do much now anyway" Jeff said looking at Clint.
"Yeah told him that already" Clint responded like they were the only ones on the conversation.
"Shut up you shanks, I'm still here!" Alby shouted and no surprise there, more spit came out of his mouth.
"Alright alright let's just all go get something to eat ok?" Minho suggested trying to calm everyone.
"Yeah yeah whatever" Alby reluctantly agreed.
"You want me to take first shift?" Jeff suggested to Clint pointing at the closed door.
"Nah dude you're hungry. I can go for another few hours just make Frypan save me some dinner" Clint said shooing them away. As the boys went to leave Minho turned back to look at me, still there sitting in that old chair.
"Girl-Greenie, come on let's go eat something" He said to me.
"I'm not hungry." I replied weakly staring at a particularly red spot on my fingers. "I'll just stay here"
"Well um... If you won't go to dinner do you maybe mind staying with Newt?
(* I'm pretty sure I flinched at the sound of his name*) So I can grab a bite then I'll be back." Clint asked looking hopeful. "You can just shout if you need anything, but I'm pretty sure he'll just sleep through the night"
"Yeah..." I trailed of not really sure. But I knew Clint was hungry and I was certain I couldn't eat anything even if I wanted to. "You guys go, I'll just stay here..."
And with that I stood up from my chair and opened the door to his room, going inside without looking back at the guys that were surely looking at me with pity.
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When I went in there I didn't really want to look at the bed. I went straight to the little sink at the corner of the room and washed my hands. After I was done scrubbing all the red off of them, I splashed some water on my face and took a big, calming breath. And then I turned to look at him...
I don't know what my mind was expecting: I broken boy bloodied and bruised beyond repair, the nightmarish results of a gory accident, a breathing corpse, something, anything other than what I actually saw.
He just lay there. Sure, he had a million cuts on his face and hands and yeah, half his head was wrapped up in bandages but it was still him and he was still breathing, deeply, rhythmically, as if he was just asleep.
I pulled a chair next to his bed and sat by his side. I had the overwhelming urge to speak to him, ask him what happened, but he was clearly out of it, he couldn't hear me and he certainly couldn't answer me, so I just sat there watching him sleep.
"God I'm such a creep" I thought out loud running a hand through my hair. "Freaking out because he was hurt, crying like a little sissy because I saw him bleeding and now sitting here staring at him while he sleeps. Who does that?!"
But even if it was very creepy and even if now that I was calming down I started to feel hungry I just stayed there.
And when Jeff and Clint came back from dinner with a plate full of food for me, telling me that I should go get some sleep I just stayed there through the night, only taking my eyes off of him to quickly devour my food. The two guys soon left to get some rest Jeff throwing a joke about how lucky the 'shank' was to have a personal nurse and Clint hitting him lightly at the top of his head mumbling a quiet shut up. But I just stayed there...
Because watching him breath, knowing he is alive brought me more peace than sleeping...
At some point during the night, I folded my arms on his bed and and laid my head on top of them, my eyes never leaving his face. In that awkward half siting half laying position I suddenly felt a jolt go through me starting from my head and spreading through my body...
Images of a bedridden man and a little girl on his bedside flooded my mind
'Are you alright daddy?' 'Don't worry, my moon, daddy is ok. Do you wanna sing a song with me?' 'Yes please!'
After that, against my will I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep as if producing that single image from the depths of my mind took all of my remaining energy.

Somewhere not to far away from the Glade
"How could you do that?" Thomas asked his voice calm but with a clear edge to it "It wasn't part of the Variables and you know that. You just did it to hurt her!"
"Thomas, please, look at all the patterns we got, this all turned out to be very useful, even if the method was not very conventional" a woman in wight tried to settle things, placing a calming hand on the boys shoulder while throwing a disapproving glance over her shoulder at a man also dressed in white.
"You think I care more about the patterns than I do for them?" Thomas asked his anger now towards her.
"I know you care more about the patters then some bumps along the way with minor consequences, because if we get the answers to the Killzone millions of lives will be saved" She reminded him.
"Fine" Thomas all but spat "Let's see your 'minor consequences'"

That night he couldn't get any sleep, his head buzzing and adrenaline rushing through his veins. He cared for the people in the Glade, he even loved some of them. And staring at the white ceiling of his bedroom he wondered:
is WICKED really good?...

To @ZaneChan4ever2005 for her lovely comment that gave me the motivation to finish this chapter.