never began | chanlix

two.

I was on twitter before bed a week after my elimination. I was looking at the comments on a few different posts and didn't see much.

I went on the leefelix hashtag and saw pictures of all of us together and from the show. I read the posts and the smile that was just on my face vanished. 

"Felix gained so much weight since the first episode. If he wants a chase of being a member again or even debuting he should lose some of it."

"Felix is just weighing the team down, I don't know how JYP eliminated Minho but Felix is understandable. I hope that we get ONLY Minho back, Felix could die for all I care."

"Felix is so untalented why did he even think he would even have a chance of being in Stray Kids."

"He's fat, untalented, worthless, and no one likes him not even the guys they are better without him, JYP made the right choice to eliminate him."

"8 or none"

"Like mate, just leave Korea already you can't even speak Korean right, go back to Australia and stay away from my boys."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I climbed down from my bunk bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, a white shirt, and a jacket.

I grabbed my phone and opened the door. I left to go practice even though it is very late. I walked to the company and went to one of the trainee rooms. I played the background music for YaYaYa and tried to do the rap but kept messing up. I tried to do the dance and kept messing up.

I could feel pent up frustration inside of me turn into tears. I sat down with my back against the wall and let my tears out. I placed my head in the knees and cried.

[hyunjin]

I was walking down a corridor in the company late at night finally going home after hours of practicing by myself. I was walking by one practice rooms and heard sobs coming from inside.

I walked over to the door and pushed it open. I saw Felix laying in a ball sobbing in the back of the practice room.  

I walked over to him and sat down. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him onto my lap. I turned him around so he was facing me. I placed his head in the crook of my neck and let him cry.

"I'm so sorry, hyung," he cried. I could feel the warm tears building up.

"Don't cry Lixie, "I said shooshing him like my mother used to do to me."It's not your fault," I said referring to his elimination. 

"None it would have happened if I were better," he cried.

"You're perfect just the way you are Felix, "I said and pulled him closer. His sobs stopped after a few minutes and were replaced with soft snores. I could soon feel my eyes get heavier until I fell asleep.