never began | chanlix

four.

The plane landed and I got off. I got my bags and saw my mom and sisters waiting for me. Being home made me realize that my dream didn't come true and that I'm not with any of my friends anymore. 

I walked right into my mother's arms and buried my head in her chest. I cried and cried as we walked out of the airport and to her car. I noticed a few people pointing at me and whispering to one another.

I don't like the attention I'm getting for crying in a public place. I bite my lip in hope that I won't let the crocking sobs reach the surface. I whipped my eyes and wouldn't let the new tears fall. 

I got into the back of my mother's car and looked out the window as the landscape changed and we got onto the highway. It took around 55 minutes to get home from the airport. Once I got home I went to my old room and took down all of my old things. Like photos with my high school friends, posters for groups I liked, old decorations, books from my bookshelf, everything was put in a box and those were put in my closet.

I have money still saved from when I was in high school that I'm going to use to re-decorate my room. I'll probably go out and buy paint and other things tomorrow or the next day.

My phone ding as a notification arrived and I saw the Stray Kids group chat going. I put my phone down after leaving the group chat. My phone started to ding multiple times. I looked again and saw everyone messaging me individually. 

I turned my phone off and closed the blinds in my room engulfing me into darkness. I sat in the corner where my old bean bag chair used to be and just sat there doing nothing. 

Felix's Sister

I sat outside of my brother's room and heard him sliding boxes around the room and tearing things apart. I've never seen Felix like that, lost and vulnerable he seemed like an innocent child almost. 

The room went silent after a bang from a slamming door. I heard a few seconds later the blinds being moved and then the sliding of fabric on the wall. 

It went silent for a while until I heard laughter mixed with sobs. It was painful to listen to. It sounded like he was going mad. I don't know what exactly happened in Korea after his eliminated but it broke him all the way. 

I got up and slowly walked down the hall to my room. I couldn't get the sound of his laugh out of my head. It was filled with pain and sorrow. The sobs that would shine through the laughter hurt my heart deeply.

I want to hug him in hopes of saving him from himself. I have a bad feeling about him now that he's back. He has a look in his eyes that I don't even know how to name. It wasn't the look to get revenge or the look of sadness but something else. I don't know what it is I just hope it leaves my baby brother.

I want to old Felix back but I don't think he'll even be back. He's changed in the few months he was in Korea. I don't know if it was a bad or good change yet but it's going to the favor of bad and I think that's where it's going to end.

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