Rookywriters Book Reviews

No. 7 Louie's Prophecy of Fate

Introduction

¤ Book title and author - Louie's Prophesy of Fate by BritishVendetta
Genre - Fantasy, Werewolf

¤ First impression - Book description... Although the summary passed the necessary information, try reconstructing the sentences to make it look more professional and gripping.

Secondly, character description... Damon, Nate and our female MC had little description about their looks, hair style, hair color, eye color, skin shade, height, body weight etc

Thirdly, about ninety five percent of what happened in chapter one didn't push the story forward. I mean the story can still continue without that first chapter. Why? Because there were irrelevant stuffs going on that wasn't necessary for the storyline.

¤ Weakness - Use of short sentences where unnecessary. The POVs in chapter two alone was not professionally done. The different povs was breaking the flow of the chapters.

¤ Improvement - Describe the main characters looks at certain times of the day. Show their facial expressions and feelings too.

Work on the first chapter, cut out some scenes that are not entirely necessary, and maybe give a full background detail of the alpha families, how the prophecy came to be, and Louie's personal decisions on the prophecy, and other relevant information about Nate and Damon.

Using short sentences make the actions move in fast forward, take your time to construct sentences and gradually build tension in action scenes.

¤ Strengths - Engaging scenes and good character dialogues.

Body

¤ Opening - The opening is not so catchy for a werewolf book. The first paragraph gives off a moody atmosphere that kind of resonates through the chapter.

Chapter one is supposed to be catchy and lively,  since it's all about introducing the main characters of the book.

¤ Conflict - The female MC having two mates is quite catchy. It creates a conflict among them.

¤ Plot - The story has a simple plot driven by the dialogues of the characters. Chapters 1-5 was quite readable but there was nothing much going on until chapter 6 where Nate kills a man and a woman.

Now here is where the real conflict began and I was wondering is something different happening with Nate?

There's no background story to give us a better insight into their families and where they came from, which I think would be important.

Also in chapter 9, Louie meets her vampire mate, okay. That was a big plot twist there.

But then everything just happened in one chapter.

She met Jamie, kissed him, and made love with him within a blink of an eye. Things happened a little fast there, try working with suspense, and cliffhangers by not spilling every action in  a chapter.

Also Louie was literally fainting away at the end of some chapters and and waking up at the beginning of the next chapter. There are other things she could be doing at the beginning of a chapter.

¤ Setting - The locations of where the story is taking place is not well described. We only got to hear of the lake, the mountain. There was no full descriptions of what they looked like or where they were located.

¤ Characterization - The characters was totally relatable and each one had his unique traits.

¤ Dialogue - The only issue with the dialogue is when Naula, Lucian or Blake is speaking. Since they are the wolf counterpart of the main characters, I suggest you italicize their dialogue.

¤ Point of View - The story is written from Louie's point of view. Others pov was minor.

¤ Show versus tell - In chapter one, a paragraph says,

'I spin around to see Nate a few feet away. We all knew each other. I mean at the pack meetings, all the Alphas and their families had to sit with each other.'

This part is telling us the Alphas meet with their families, it is more important to show us how this meeting is held, so we can get to know the characters better.

¤ Format of the text - Paragraphing was done properly. The text was readable.

¤ Grammar and spelling - There are a few missing words and wrong spelling which can be corrected with proper editing.

¤ Style - Writing style shows the writer as  the story telling type.

Conclusion

Comment - Not every reader might be a fan of werewolf story, which means when you write some scenes, readers will want to see how things happens, not just telling it.

Book cover is beautiful and title is catchy. Nice simple story.

I enjoyed reading your story. My favorite character was Jared.

Thanks for letting me evaluate your book.

Any comments or questions about any confusion just DM me or hit the comments.

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