The Suicide Diaries •Completed•

TEN

When I went home 3 days later I laid on the couch... and I fell into a deep sleep (haven't slept for 3 days)

~Nightmare~

"ANDREAA!" I screamed .. she's dead, "You can be with t-to .. Ava.. just die..." She said faintly .."Andrea .. I can't kill myself" "you can.. if you want to be with me.. just .. just die..." that was her last faint words .... *Andrea*x40 repeated in my head ...

~waking up~

I screamed in terror as I woke up falling off the couch... I curled into a ball onto the floor crying "Andrea.." I mumbled repeatedly.. 'what was going on?!? I've been having these nightmares for 3 days!!!! That's why I haven't slept!! why me!!! I don't wanna die!!!!' I screamed in my head ... maybe I'm suppose to die.. maybe that's why I'm having these dreams... maybe .. it's not a nightmare... maybe it's my future..

I woke up on the floor curled into a ball... umm.. oh yea! I .. you know.. I don't wanna talk about it "ugh" I sighed and got up.. I deadly crawled down the stairs like a dog.. weird.. and I looked in my vanity mirror.. I had big black bags under my eyes and my hair was so messed.. my skin was pale .. I looked like the walking dead!! except.. alive ..

"Why am I even here.. on this earth.." I mumbled to myself 'You don't have to be' I heard a voice say.. it was a person on my shoulder..it looked like Andrea... 'just do it!' it yelled agin "no!" I fought back "you can't make me!!" I screamed 'or can I' I faintly said and then disappeared... "NO YOU CANT DINT EVER TALK TO ME AGIN!!!!!!" I screamed "Honey?!" I heard a women yell "mom?" I questioned "Honey I'm home!" she yelled and ran downstairs..."mom!" I cried and hugged her helplessly "everything is going to be okay sweetie..i promise" she whispered straightening my hair with her fingers..

Once mom calmed me down I realized it was like 4:30 am .. wow!!! Mom got home early... "please go to school..please.." she begged "okay.." I faintly agreed and I went into my closet and picked out a grey and purple east coast sweater and a white tanktop plus some dark skinny jeans.. I brought them into my bathroom and took a shower for the first time in 2 weeks..

Once I got out I got dressed and sat at my vanity blow dried my hair (in the matter of 5 minutes) and brushed it out long and beautiful 'you won't be beautiful to anyone..' the voice came back.. I tried to ignore it and I packed my black and white under armour book bag .. I grabbed 20 dollars off of my nightstand and went upstairs, put my Black and purple Adidas high tops on and hugged mom then I walked to school ( wasn't far at all)

When I got to school it was just turning 7:00 am when I walked in, school doesn't start until 8:45 am so I waved to the office and they ignored me... different ... but I skipped down the 4 stairs into the cafatorium then I seen Lisa.. she will make me feel welcome :) "hi Lisa!!" I greeted happily "hi honey wow do you ever look so grown up since you left ! what grade are you in now 9 ? 10 ? " She questioned "I'm in grade 10 :) and I've missed you !" "I have to dear .. wanna muffin?" She asked "ok!" I childishly answered,

Then she gave me a blueberry muffin and I sat at a table ...I buried my face into the muffin hungrily,once I was finished all the kids started piling in.. so I rushed to my new locker before everyone and got my books for Science ! yes! Mr.Row is the best teacher ev's! I thought 'your invisible to everyone except for when they wanna buy you... you can end it now' the voice reappeared .. I kept my head low and put my books on my classroom desk... my homeroom teacher was Mr.Row.. I just realized ! "Hello mr.row!" I greeted .. I was his favourite student I was more like a daughter to him "Oh my gosh your back!! sweetie I missed you so much !! " He tugged into his rare tight squeeze hugs. "I missed you to"

I mumbled and we chatted for a bit then class started... hurray... "okay class you may go to your classes now." He assured and 4 people left ... and the rest stayed for science... but lucky me.. I got all the bullies ... "Suicide" someone kept echoing "die" someone else joined "THAT WILL BE ENOUGH!!! GO TO THE OFFICE UNTIL YOU CAN SHUT THE HECK UP!!" Mr.Row yelled ... I wiped the hot tear off my face and put a smile on it "thank you" I mouthed and he smiled 'he just feels sorry .... everyone hates you..end it! end it!' The voice screamed repeatedly "NO!" I yelled outloud. "sorry mr.row... its.. it's just my mind.. in sorry I interrupted..." I said "don't sorry about it dear.." and class ended.