Wheels Down| Spencer Reid

4

Today, I took a lighter from my dead friend's pocket. I'm trying to process it; I'm trying to make sense of the fact that David Rossi, the creator of the BAU, is now dead.

I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have left him. I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. I shouldn't have trusted his judgment. His blood is literally on my hands.

But at least we have a fire going. It feels so nice compared to the harsh cold of the woods. I don't even know what state we are in, but it's extremely cold at night.

Thank god for Rossi's lighter.

"Spence?" I hear JJ say over the crackling of our make-shift fire pit.

"Yeah?"

"How do you stay so calm?"

"I'm not calm," I say. I use a stick to move some of the twigs around in the hole we dug, pleading in my mind that our only source of heat doesn't die.

The pain in my leg isn't going away anytime soon. No matter how I sit it still hurts.

"Guys," Emily says. "Do we have any food?"

"I don't know," I say. "I'll go check in the jet."

"Absolutely not," Tara says.

"Look, I'm fine," I say. "I'll be right back."

I get up from the ground and ignore the pain in my leg. I climb the steps onto the jet. It stopped raining a few hours ago, but my shirt is still damp.

I'm wearing the same white button up and magenta sweater-vest I'm used to wearing. It's not the most convenient for our situation, but at least I'm warm.

I've been wracking my brain trying to remember what happened before I woke up, but I can't. I just can't.

I remember talking to JJ about the case, but I don't remember anything after that. Why can't I remember?

I hate being able to feel the pain. I start opening cabinets and going through luggage.

I've found a bunch of clothes and various chargers, but nothing edible. I climb into the cabin and try to ignore the dead pilot. How did Matt know he had a heart attack? Did I miss something?

I open a small compartment in the console and find a secret snack stash- a few small bags of potato chips and a snickers bar.

At least it's something. I carry what I can and start to get off the jet, but I lose my balance.

I tumble into the ground and the air is knocked out of my lungs. JJ rushes over to me. "Are you okay?"

I'm genuinely having a hard time breathing, but I sit up. "I got chips," I say, and force a smile. JJ takes the pile of food from the ground around me.

"Spence, you're an idiot," she snaps. She takes the bottle of pain meds and tosses it to me.

I roll it back to her and give her a tired look. Does she really think I'm going to take those?

I can deal with the pain. If I'm going to die out here, I'll die sober.