Keske Moments

Repeating History

Waking up in each others arms is all that Can had been dreaming about for the past year. He held onto the hope that one day he would be reunited with his one true love. Looking at her beautiful face this morning brought tears to his eyes. He just watched her breathe as the morning sun came up.

Sanem started to stir looking down at Can's arms surrounding her.

Sanem: Gunaydin.

Can: Gunaydin. (He smiled at her.) ... Please tell me what you are thinking. I always want to know what goes on in that curious mind of yours.

Sanem: I'm honestly not sure. I guess what's next?

Can: Well I was thinking breakfast that is if you are hungry. I can make my famous crepes for us.

Sanem: Sounds perfect. I'm going to take a shower. Meet you downstairs?

While Can was making breakfast, Sanem took her time getting ready trying to collect her thoughts. Last night felt like a dream. They always knew how to fall back into place like puzzle pieces. What Can didn't know that she had spent the past year without him miserable. It wasn't until recently that she felt grounded. She lost her sense of self after he left. Food didn't taste the same. The sky wasn't as blue. She was in therapy and her book tour was her goal while she was at the clinic. She was trying to keep her cool but the thoughts grew further and further. When would he leave her. How long could she stay sane? She forgot to pack her medicine in her bag. Her mind kept racing, she couldn't help herself. All she could do was sit in the corner of his balcony trying to calm herself down with deep breathing exercises she had to practice regularly.

Can had called up to Sanem letting her know the crepes were ready. He waited a few minutes thinking she was still getting ready. He started walking up the stairs calling for her. Finally he reached his room and looked in the bathroom for her only to find her in a ball sitting down on the balcony.

Can: (He sat down beside her slowly) Sanem? Are you okay?

Sanem: I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed.

Can: Did I do something wrong? Do you want me to get you some water?

Sanem: Water would be good.

Can: Okay I will be right back.

Can came back with water and sat down beside her. His mind was racing as to her wellbeing. What happened? Did he do something wrong? Was this house too much for her? Maybe she moved on? He sat there silent while she was deep breathing. Finally Sanem broke the silence after a couple of minutes.

Sanem: There's something I need to tell you.

Can just stared at her terrified she was going to runaway saying this was a mistake or she really had moved on with someone else.

Sanem: Can, I need you to know what happened this past year when you were gone...I was lost without you. Like I felt like a kid lost in the forest without no sense of direction. You took a piece of me when you left.

Can: What do you mean?

Sanem: I don't think you had any idea how happy you made me. My world was full of possibility and color. I had such dreams for us. Dreams I never thought possible. Then you left. Everyone told me you would and I said he wouldn't do that to me. But I was the dreaming fool. I put my everything into our relationship. My heart and soul were yours for the taking. You took my happiness and I ended up in a clinic trying to put back whatever pieces I had left...

Can was looking down almost in tears hearing her talk. He had no idea this happened. He felt such guilt over his cowardice leaving her. He hated himself for it everyday he was gone.

" I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I could barely function. I don't know if I can do this again. I don't think I could survive. I learned something about myself while you were gone. I needed you more than you needed me and I am terrified of all of this. I'm afraid it will feel too good and I will let myself dream again. I just needed you to know that and that's why I'm out here sitting on the ground trying to regain some composure."

Can: Sanem, I...

Sanem: Can it's okay, I'm not asking for an explanation or for you to feel guilty. I'm working on better communicating myself and needed you to know where I'm at before anything else happens between us. Come on let's go eat crepes you made.

Can walked with her downstairs and was speechless. What had started as the happiest day he has had in over a year had made him feel so guilty and sad for how badly things had gone while he was gone. He had so many more questions. He didn't want to push her.

Can: I hope they taste okay. (shyly)

Sanem: Are you kidding? They are delicious! You were always great in the kitchen. You will have to teach me someday.

Can: I would love that.

Sanem: I will say though I made my mom was teaching me how to cook. It was actually really good for me. I didn't think I would like it but it helped calm my nerves. To be honest, I was jealous of Polen and how she was able to cook so many things for you I thought it was time I try to learn. Plus your mom had made it clear to me that I should "strive to be more like Polen when it comes to cooking". I'm sorry I let her get to me.

Can had crinched at her bringing up Polen and especially his mom. That was the breaking point for Can. It was time he addressed everything. He abruptly put down his fork and knife looking at Sanem.

Sanem: I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought up Huma. That's on me.

Can: Sanem, I cannot express to you how sorry I am for my actions.

Sanem: Can it's okay. I'm okay you don't need to.--

Can: No its not Sanem. I should've stopped all of this. Prevented this pain. God I can't believe what has happened with us. I feel terrible.

Can was heavily sighing covering his eyes with his hands to keep himself from crying. He was in so much pain from the hurt that had happened to her. He always thought how naive she was but there he had been trusting Polen and wanting to believe in his mom. How dumb he felt for allowing those two to be a part of his life and more importantly getting in the way of his relationship with Sanem.

Sanem: Hey, it's not your fault. What happened, happened. We can't change it. We are just learning to live with the aftermath.

Can: It shouldn't of happened in the first place.

Sanem: We can't stop fate Can. But we can stop ourselves from repeating history. Can we?

__________________________________________________________________-

Sorry this is a short chapter. I had to really think about how to continue with the story. Also can't wait for the break to be over before the newest episode!!! Thank you guys for reading and your encouraging words. It means so much to me:)