A Moment in Time

03: Lost Years

This is my 3rd coffee for the day. I can feel my heart beating so fast. Mejo nagkakaspasm nako pero I need to coffee to calm my head. Maraming mga bagay ang tumatakbo sa utak ko. I can't barely concentrate.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Damn.

I closed my eyes for a while habang hinihilot ang sintido ko.

"Yanny... Are you okay? I thought you got something to ask me. Common, matagal ka ng nakatulala jan. Alam ko nasolve mo na yung problem sa Coulsons pero I don't like the way you are acting this very moment. Hindi na ikaw yung Yana na kilala kong palaban and with guts and glory..." Mahaba-haba din ang litanya ni Ate Kelly bago ko siya napansin.

Napasabunot ako sa ulo ko tsaka sumampa sa mesa.

"I have a date tomorrow." Yun lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

"Well hindi naman bago yang mga date mo. What is wrong this time?"- ate kelly

"This time is different. Its my ex. The Deacon."- ako

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Ate Kelly. Halatang hindi niya inexpect yun.

"Deacon? You haven't told me that you have an ex boyfriend which is a seminarian Yanny." - ate kelly

"Well, I haven't told you because. He is just not an ordinary ex. He is my first boyfriend who left me out of the blue without saying a word." - ako

"Would you care elaborate about that." - ate kelly

10 years ago...

2009: SSC Class 3rd Year

"Yana. Alam mo ba saan nag-aaral ngayon si Kuya Nareel?" - Ella Magbanua

Classmate ko si Ella sa SSC. Nasa Science Special Section kasi kami nabelong. 3rd grading ngayon at kaka-announce lang ng ranking. Top 1 na naman ako sa buong school. Syempre masaya ako at magiging proud na naman si papa sakin.

Pero, bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. I feel nothing. Being on top is marvelous but I feel so empty inside. There should nothing wrong.

I turn my gaze to Ella thinking of what she said to me.

Oo nga naman. Di ko natanong kay Nareel yun ahh. I just let him do what he wanted. Sino ba naman ako sa buhay niya.

"Actually Ella, I really don't know. I don't even bother to ask him." Sagot ko.

"Well, that makes sense. I thought you do know what you are doing. Top 1 ka nga bobo ka naman sa pag-ibig. Tsssss...." -Ella

That was a slap on my face.

"What do you mean by that Ella..." Yan lang ang naging sagot ko sa kanya. Pero naman parang sumasakit ang puso ko ng pakonti-konti.

Damn. What the hell was that. Damn. Damn. Damn.

"He is in the Seminary Yana."-Ella

Seminary. Seminarian.

Priest. Priesthood.

Bawal. Bawal.

Bawal na pag-ibig.

2019: Present

A tear fell from my eyes. I don't know why I feel this way. Since that day, I knew that he is a Seminarian. Everything has changed. Nothing will remain the same. This is the only thing that is constant in this world.

"I guess, Yana. You still love him." Ate kelly

"Kahit mahal ko pa siya Ate. Nothing will change. I can't compete for His love. I can't compete with God." -Ako

Matagal din na walang imik si Ate Kelly. She let go a deep sigh.

"Well, yanny. That is really complicated."

————————

Thanks for reading. Godbless. Have a great day!