'Tom, Tommy, listen to me, we'll get his autograph but after that we really need to leave, okay?' I told my little brother with tears in my eyes. See, we were at the 'open dag' at Ajax, Toms favourite football club. It's basically a day where the players will be introduced and you can get autographs and pictures with them, just things like that. Tom and I used to go every year with my dad, but things have changed and this year was different. My dad wasn't here with us, not anymore.
Until the eleventh year of my live, everything was fine. I had nothing to complain about. I had a lot of friends, a nice school, a sport I was good at. I lived with both of my parents and my little brother. although I thought it was quite annoying he always got all the attention since he was only 2, I loved him. But it all happend so fast. My mom passed away, at a point in my live that I needed her the most. I was going into my teenage years, every girl needs her mother then. But I didn't have her to help me through. I had to do it on my own. Sure I had my dad, but that's not the same. There are some things you don't want to discuss with your dad.
It was one of those days you didn't want to get out of bed. Just stay under the duvet until the day was over. Unfortunatly I had to get ready for
school. My alarm went of at 7 AM just like everyday. I got ready for school and had breakfast. So far, nothing very interesting. I just couldn't get my attention focused on the classes. I had no concentration whatsoever. So you can imagine how happy I was I could finally go home. What I didn't know was that it would never be the same. Never would I be able to see or hug the woman I loved the most, my mom. When I arrived home, nobody was there. Which was odd, because my mom would always be there. She knew when I would come home, and she would be there. Always. I shook it off, but eventually found a note that said;
'Come to aunt Jenny's when you come home, I need to tell you something. Dad'
so I did as the note said. I went to my aunts house. All different scenario's played in my head.. but not this one. I saw my dad sitting through the window. His head down. It seemed like he was crying, although I wasn't sure at that point. Aunt Jenny let me in and sat next to my dad.
'Mary, I'm so sorry...' my dad started. He couldn't continue due to his tears.
'Dad? What's going on?' I started to get worried. I had never seen my dad crying.
'Mom is.. mom died.' My dad eventually managed to let out in between his sobs.
I couldn't believe what he had just said. My mom died? That's impossible. I saw her this morning, nothing was wrong with her. Nothing! This can't even be true. I just remained silent. So many questions were in my head, but I didn't ask them. I just couldn't.
We had to continue our lives and make the best out of it. Even without my mom, we still had to go on. Even if I didn't want to, I had to. after a week I went back to school. Everybody already knew what happend. I wasn't sure whether I liked that or not. I started to concentrate more onto school, just to not be reminded of what happend. I used to spend ours sitting at my desk, doing my homework or studying for a test. I wasn't happy at all. Hell no, I was far from it. If I would just put on my fake smile and pretend I was happy, then maybe I would be happy again, right?
I was now attending college. I graduated high school a year ago, and felt like I shouldn't be sitting home all day.It wouldn't be good for me. I decided that I would study a language. It was something that I always found interesting. I decided on Finnish. We would always go to Finland during holidays and I just loved the country and the language. I also have a job at a café near our house. It is amazing to work there. I have nice colleagues, nice boss. It's great. One day I came home from work, and saw my dad sitting in the kitchen with a beer. My dad never drinks, this was very odd. I walked over to him and saw that this wasn't the first beer that he had drank.
'Dad, what's going on?' I asked slowly.
'Nothing.' he just simply answered.
'Dad, you never drink. There must be something.'. At this point I began to feel really anxious.
'I just came back from the hospital.' he finally answered after a long silence. I was relieved. He didn't find them. But at the same time confused. Why was he at the hospital? Why didn't I know?
'Why were you there? visiting someone?' I was silently praying that that was just the case.
'No.' again a harsh answer.
'Then why were you there? please tell me.' Now I was getting worried.
'Remember when I wasn't feeling well a couple of days ago?' he began. I just nodded.
'Well, I could feel that it wasn't just some sickness. So I went to see a doctor. He said that he wasn't quite sure what it was and that I needed to go to the hospital to do some tests, so I did. And I got the results today.. It's not good, Mary.I need to start treatment real soon, or.. or..' he couldn't even continue. I could guess what he wanted to say. But I couldn't lose him too. At this point I had tears in my eyes.
'When does treatment start?' I asked with I shakey voice.
'Never. I refused to the treatment. Some things are the way they are and you have to accept it. It's not always easy. My time has come to go.' When I heard him say that, I couldn't believe it. Doesn't he understand Tom and I need him. That we can't lose him too? He could at least try! I was sad, angry, lost.. I just didn't know what to feel.
Now back to about ten minutes ago. I got a phone call from my aunt. All I heard was her crying, it didn't take me long to realise what had happened.
'Did dad..?' I didn't need to go further. As she only began crying harder and trying to bring some words out.
'I wanted to check up on him, but.. but..' she began crying again.
I silently let out some tears as well. I didn't want Tom to see, but he already had. I dried my eyes as quick as I good.
'I'll come home as quick as I can.' I told her. And with that I hung up the phone.
'Mary?' Tom asked. 'Are you ok?'
'Yes honey, we need to get going okay?'
'But Mary, I want his autograph! We've been waiting for so long!' He exclaimed.
'Only his autograph and we're leaving.' Tom didn't seem to listen.
'Tom, Tommy, listen to me, we'll get his autograph but after that we really need to leave, okay?' He only nodded in response.
When after what seemed like ages to me we finally got to this player. There was a sign with 'Viktor Fischer' so I'm assuming that is his name. My eyes still red and puffy from the crying. I let Tom walk up to him and just stood there silently, waiting for him to finish. I was so lost in thoughts that I didn't hear that this guy started talking to me.
'Mary!' Tom hissed.
'What is it?'
'I asked you if you were ok?' That Viktor boy asked.
'Yes, I'm fine.' I said putting on my fake smile again. That's what I always did. People would just leave it thinking I'm alright and not paying attention to it. I could see he didn't believe and that I wasn't going to get out of this one that easily.
'Are you sure?' He asked.
'Yes, I'm pretty sure.' I hissed back.
'I can see you're not.' This response really pissed me off. Why ask if you made up the answer yourself already? Can't he just leave it?
'Then why ask?' I walked away with Tom not waiting for his response.
