Once Again, I Dreamt of Water

Our Footprints Mark the Sand

Each moment is a place you've never been

-Mark Strand

"May it be an evening star

Shines down upon you

May it be when darkness falls

Your heart will be true

You walk a lonely road

Oh! How far you are from home

Mornië utúlië

Believe and you will find your way

Mornië alantië

A promise lives within you now"

-Enya, "May It Be"

ALONDRA: In this kitchen, I dwell as if in my garden, in the midst not of roses but potatoes and limes, tomatoes and carrots, this is my honey - cooking - another muse beside poetry.

Tomorrow is going to be a day for relaxing. Maybe we'll visit the ocean! I tell the girls. Are there roses there? Stéfi asks. No, I am amused, but there are sand castles to build! You don't remember the ocean because you were much little when you went last time. But you'll know tomorrow when we go. We'll ask your Pápi if he can go with us. Let's hope he says yes!

ESTÉFANO: Behold this morning there is a feeling of contentment in my heart as I am washing the dishes after breakfast. Ceci helps by drying everything with a little green towel. Stéfi is helping by putting the pink and purple cups away.

Papi? Cecilia approaches me. I'm glad you took this day off for us. Do you think we'll see a dolphin or a whale? Oh, how about seagulls?

We'll see seagulls. Dolphins, maybe, and whales, uh, I don't know, Cec, but we'll have great fun anyway.

I pull Alondra away. Are you sure about this? I know how afraid of water you are.

I know, but I'm not going in the water, neither are the girls or you. We're just going to play, to build castillos de arena!

All righty babe, you're the boss.

Oh, babe, Alondra reminds me, the windshield is covered with jacaranda flowers and sap! I smile, imagining my passengers in the van seeing through an impeccable window. On my way, I say to Alondra, and she seems pleasantly surprised.

ALONDRA: From our bedroom window a purple canopy can be seen

Our Jacaranda holds trumpet-shaped, lightly fragrant flowers.

Ceci, what do those flowers look like to you?

Those purple ones, Mom?

They're lavender, honey.

Well, to me they look like tiny turkeys.

What about you, Stéfi? What do those flowers look like?

They look like ducks and fairies playing in an enchanted forest.

That's amazing, baby girl, I wouldn't have thought of that!

ESTÉFANO: Before heading off to Venice Beach, we are washing the minivan of the gummy sap and an accumulated potpourri of dry jacaranda blooms.

The Jacaranda holds clusters of flowers with capsules full of slender seeds. These spark Stéfi's curiosity; she is wondering if she can eat one.

Nope, I say. You can wear them in your hair, though, and I accommodate her by placing one behind her ear.

And Ceci says, What about me? raising her hand.

There's one for you too, nena, don't worry-got you covered!

And me, Alondra cries, like the last of my daughters.

Now all the girls look like exotic elf girls. They all start giggling, even the tree, it seems.

At Venice Beach, we walk down the alley as a family by the shops of clothing, food, and souvenirs. We only go window shopping though; I am low on cash.

Alondra is buying bittersweet popcorn when Cecilia starts complaining and saying she wants to start building her sandcastle. Stéfi runs off toward the water, and I run after her.

ALONDRA: Here, I feel rejuvenated, closer to love and the sky.

Are you cold? Estéfano asks, covering me with his arms.

Un poco, I answer, feeling goosebumps as well as butterflies.

The girls are no longer complaining, they are building the moat around their little castle. Estéfano, of course, has started helping them.

This will protect our castle from outside invaders, Estefano says to Stéfi.

It's beautiful, Daddy, Stéfi says.

I nod while writing in my red journal.

Come on, let's find the prettiest shells and rocks for your mami. Oh, look, she'll love this one!

Are you guys having fun? I say to the girls, wrapped in a sky-blue shawl, finally putting my pen down.

Look, Mom! Cecilia says, Mira este caracol we brought for you! Dad says you can hear the whole ocean in there!

That's true!

Listen, Estéfano says, holding a sandy-colored conch I am assuming he secretly bought for me while I was buying popcorn.

I sigh, feeling the soul of the ocean inside my heart, and the Jacaranda bloom behind my ear falls to the sand floating on with the wind. I don't go after it.

Come on, let's go for a walk. Estéfano lifts me up-his Jacaranda-like, sick woman. The sky is a purple and pink canopy. We kiss, hand in hand, as the tide sizzles beneath our toes. Our footprints mark the sand, and I wonder if we'll ever have a moment like this again.

ESTÉFANO: Back home, Alondra and I unpacked blankets and sheets that would need washing, containers and cups, and the beach chair and the now broken umbrella. The girls, after talking about their day and exchanging seashells, lay in their beds, gradually falling asleep, exhausted and full of bittersweet feelings; tonight they will surely dream!

Alondra and I were getting ready to shower, and, I suspected, to make love. I was calm yet full of desire. The water cascaded down her back and I massaged her tense shoulders, she turned to embrace me and rested her head on my shoulder, I sensed she was weeping in the water and I kissed her forehead and felt my own tears wash over my face.