So here's another bit of sad Erin.
When I go out with my friends, they usually leave 1-3 hours after I leave.
It may be 3 hours, but I still miss a whole 3 hours of lots of fun.
And if you're one of those hoomans, then I don't want to hear any, "Think positive" or, "Look on the bright side".
That's easy for you to say. You experienced the whole thing.
I don't care if I was there for a bit though,
YOU were there when I wasn't. And who knows what joyous things happened.
So I don't give no more shits to thinking positive.
I'm trying to be a happy person,
I'm trying not to offend others with my words when I talk to them,
I'm not even myself when talking to close people.
SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF TRYING TO THINK OR BE POSITIVE WHEN I'M NOT?
I DON'T WANT TO FORCE MYSELF TO THINK I'M OKAY.
I MAY ACT FUCKING DEPRESSED ABOUT THE LITTLEST THINGS, AND I'M SORRY FOR BEING SO DRAMATIC.
TRY TO CHANGE ME ALL YOU WANT, BUT I'LL STILL BE THE SAME, SHIT ERIN I AM.
SORRY IF I'M DRAMATIC,
SORRY IF I'M A CRYBABY,
SORRY IF I'M AN ANNOYING SHIT,
SORRY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE.
It's just... Words like "Look on the bright side" are so fucking SIMPLE and they don't mean anything to me. What if I can't look on the bright side? What if all I see is darkness? What can I think of now? I can't just be told into thinking I'm happy.
Fucking hell, why don't I someone to talk to right now?
W h y . . . ?
OH, SO WHEN YOU REACH THIS PART, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING'S OKAY?!
WELL, SORRY IF YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT. I'M DRAMATIC, REMEMBER
ANYWAYS, THIS IS FUCKING LIFE, NOTHING IS OKAY.
I'M NOT OKAY.
...and i want to go away.
call me dramatic all you want, i know i am.
did you know while typing this, i was smiling the whole time?
because i'm trying to think, and feel okay
i wish it would work
it didnt though
betchu death would
they say that eternal life is promised in heaven and is said to be better
so i wonder
what is it actually like?
and no dont worry, i wont try suicide. im too scared for it :)
but i kinda want to though. they say people will love you more when youre gone
and that maybe a big mistake in their lives will disappear
and if it means making the lives of the people i love better,
then i'd be more than willing to die.
