The Little Wolf

Chapter 5 | An oath to be kept

Lilia didn't meet Joffrey that day. He had matters to solve, which she thanked the Gods for. So, she ended up keeping her black gown and left to the Gods' wood. It wasn't like the one in the North, it was nothing like that one, the one where she took her time to think, the one who kept her company through so many years and the one where her father used to think about life while sharpening his valyrian sword. She missed everything about life and how it would play out.

When she got to that God's wood, she found Sansa praying. She found herself struggling whether or not to disturb her sister and talk to her. The truth was that disturbing her sister was something that Lilia wasn't exactly concerned with, what she was really struggling with was finding the courage to face her.

She remembered what she had said before her father had been brought to Joffrey's justice. She claimed that her sister was a fool to believe that everything would be fine and that if her pleading for mercy wouldn't work out, then she would never speak to her again. It was something she said out of impulse, but the truth is that she had been keeping it until that moment.

She had to be sincere and linear, she had to say that she never thought about her sister during the time she locked herself up. Her thoughts were in her father, Winterfell, her brothers, her mother and Arya, who was somewhere, who was most likely dead. Sansa was there, she was the daughter of a traitor, it was true, but she was also betrothed to the King, so she wasn't having it that bad! It wasn't until the tournament when Lilia was put face to face with her sister that she realized that the redhead was being way stronger than she had been herself. Sansa was enduring everything else so that she didn't have to. Sansa was the one to carry the weight of Joffrey's cruelness. Sansa was the one to live with it. What was she doing in the meanwhile? Did she ever stop to think about how her sister was feeling? No, she had not, and she knew it.

So, for those reasons, Lilia figured that she couldn't pretend that nothing had happened, that she hadn't abandoned her younger sister, and she couldn't come up to her and treat her like things didn't happen. She couldn't bring herself to do it, not even to apologize and leave. What could she say? That she was sorry that she was a terrible sister? That she was sorry to have neglected her? No, she would NOT do that!

Eventually, she joined her sister as she prayed. She wasn't aware of what Sansa was praying for, but she did know what she was praying for herself. She knew she was praying for Robb to win the war and free them, to avenge their father, to show the Lannisters that they aren't the only ones who pay their debts. She prayed for home and for family, nothing else and nothing more.

"Lilia..." the ginger-haired girl said once she noticed her sister's presence. "I didn't expect you to..."

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone in this nest of vipers and I'm sorry for all the awful things I said to you that day" Lilia apologized. Sansa was surprised to see that. She knew that Lilia had always had a hard time admitting that she was wrong. Their father used to blame it on the wolf's blood. Sansa had always been a little more patient, just like her mother, Lady Catelyn.

Both girls missed their mother very much, so much that their hearts hurt at the thought of her, at her mentioning. The only thing they had left was Winter Rose, who had been locked up with Lilia during the past days, leaving Sansa to her mercy. No one would surrounder her anymore like before, everybody had distanced themselves from the disgraced daughters of the confessed traitor Ned Stark, even though Sansa was the one who felt it the most, due to the fact that Lilia didn't mind that much about those matters anyway.

"Lia, you really shouldn't worry about that. You weren't a bad sister, you were just struggling while copping up with father's death" Sansa didn't bother looking at her sister, which Lilia didn't really mind at all. "I should be the one apologizing to you. I should have listened and I should have known better than to trust them"

"It's alright. You are to be Joffrey's queen, you must stand by his side or pretend to be by his side, at least" Lilia had put aside the moments she had spent in King's Landing with her own sister. Sansa had been behaving like a brat, abdicating everything that she should never leave behind – her family, her home, who she really was. "I left you when you needed me the most and I'm sorry for being so selfish. When father was executed I locked myself to the world and I never stopped to think how you were feeling in the middle of this and I regret that so much! So, please, forgive me"

"There really is nothing to forgive," she said, meeting her eyes for the first time during the whole conversation. Sansa had always been that person, she had a tender heart and she was forgiving, but sometimes that trait wasn't good for her own self. Lilia gave her a look and they both smiled softly. The first sincere smile they managed to show since everything went down. "Fine, I forgive you, Lady Stark"

"Don't call me Lady Stark, that title belongs to mother... not to me" Lilia asked of her sister, who smiled sadly. Nostalgy hit them both very harshly. Both girls missed their mother dearly. Even though Lilia would often get into fights with her own mother, there was no one she missed more than her Lady Mother. For a long time, she attacked her but she didn't give her the value that she should have and at that moment, the truth was that she couldn't say if she was ever going to see her again. "I can't take that title, even though everybody calls me Lady Stark here. I don't see the point if I'll probably lose the right to that title very soon"

"You are the eldest woman in our family, it only makes sense" her little sister explained. "But you might be right, I don't think you'll remain Lady Stark for much longer. Not when the King is in love with you"

"Joffrey loves no one but himself and he loves nothing but torture and hurting people. He's not in love with me, he's infatuated with me just as his father was infatuated with our aunt. He doesn't know me, he doesn't care who I am. He cares about what he sees when he looks at me, but I'm much more than what I look like! I don't care if he's King, I shall never marry him. Besides, you are the one who is betrothed to him... not me..." Lilia pointed out as Sansa looked down. She feared for her sister's life. How was it going to be for her when she married the King? Would he be cruel to her still? Would he respect her? Would he maintain his boundaries?! "I don't even know if my betrothal to Willas Tyrell stands or not..."

"I want to go home" Sansa confessed after minutes of them both being in silence. "I don't want to be here!"

"That makes two of us" tears were now streaming down the young girl's face. The eldest one knew that she had to be there for her sister, so she could not allow herself to cry, even if that was her will. "But we must be strong like mother! We are Lady Lilia and Lady Sansa of House Stark and winter is coming, I'll protect you and I'll get you out of here, I promise you and I'll do everything to honour this vow!"

And so, both sisters hugged each other for a long time. They stood silent and then when the sun disappeared in the sea line and the sky got a darker tone, they both took their separate ways to their respective chambers.

Once Lilia locked herself in her chambers, she found Winter Rose laying on the floor, at the corner. Only then did she realize that her direwolf had been staying with her through all this journey and that she too was missing the cold, yet cosy Winterfell. And just maybe, she was also missing Lilia, who had been too sad lately.

Once she sat on her bed, she signalled for Winter Rose to come to her, and the wolf did. She jumped on the bed, right next to Lilia, and waited. Then, she let Lilia pet her and kiss her fur. The girl noticed that her direwolf had grown quite a bit during the time they had been in King's Landing.

"I'm sorry for being an awful companion, Winter Rose" for a moment there, the wolf reminded her of herself. It could be considered egocentric behaviour, but she truly felt like Winter Rose resembled her. She had been grieving as well, yet Lilia didn't exactly know why. Why would a direwolf grieve and why would she hide it from people? But it did make sense because she had been doing the same. "I promise you I'll be better and kinder"

The direwolf looked at her like she had understood everything. Only then did Lilia realize something about her own direwolf. Winter Rose was fighting a war with herself and taking it all in without doing anything, but one day she wouldn't be able to do that anymore, and then she would let the storm break.