Warning: Suicide
Dirk's POV
Why is it so cold? I'm fucking freezing...
It's because of all those pills, idiot. You're killing yourself remember?
Oh yeah...
It is cold though. I can feel my breath shake with every weak inhale. It'll be over soon, and this burning feeling taking over my stomach and chest will all be over.
-Ding-
Is that my phone?
-Ding-
-Ding-
-Ding-
That's definitely my phone. It's three a.m., how could anyone have been up to read the messages I sent to all of my friends. Probably Roxy. Or maybe is was Dave.
Or Jake
No. I doubt it was Jake. Jake is usually asleep by now. Peacefully forgetting all the troubles that plague his coherent thoughts from day to day.
You annoy him more than anything.
There is was. That stupid voice that never leaves my mind. At first I thought it was just the aftermath of dealing with Hal for so long....
Now I think I'm just loosing my mind.
Even in my last waking moments that damn voice is still plaguing my inner thoughts. Aren't I giving you what you want? I'll be dead soon.
Slower now. My breathing is getting slower. My stomach feels like it's cramping all at once, and I'm half tempted to force myself to puke up all those retched pills I swallowed. To make it stop. To make that pain stop.
My phone's ringing. It's loud. Too loud. Louder than its ever been, and I'm sure I can feel it inside my brain, rattling my skull. So I answer my phone to make it shut up, handing trembling as I can barely hold it.
"Dirk?! Dirk, what in the bloody hell was that message about?! Strider answer me!"
There's that pretty British voice I love so much. The one that sends my heart into knots along with my stomach, and now it only makes me feel sick.
"Don't worry about it Jake... " I whisper, curling in on myself and choking out a wince.
I'm gasping for air now. I can feel my throat closing up with every labored breath I take.
"P-please tell me this is one of you elaborate, ironic jokes Strider! It isn't funny anymore, cut it out!" Jake shouts, and I'm sure I heard his voice crack.
"Hey, hey, hey, English muffin... I-it'll all be okay.... I-it'll all be f-fine, Jake. T-take care o-of Roxy for me," I sob, and for once I don't need to be strong. I don't need to hide behind my own damned cool kid persona. I just need to cry, so I let the tears pour.
"Dirk, please don't-" Jake cries, and I know he's covering his mouth. I can hear his shaking breathes, and for a second I'm sorry... Because I made Jake cry.
"N-no! Jake, listen to me!" I struggle to get out. Now because of my tears combined with how I'm slowly slipping into unconsciousness. I hear the line fall silent other than stifled sobs. "I-i need you t-to take care of Roxy a-and Dave. R-roxy forgets to t-take a cab w-when she drinks.... A-and Dave f-forgets his a-antidepressants in the mornings..."
The phones slipping from my hand and everything is going murky and dark.
"Jake I love you... I never stopped," I manage to wheeze out, and maybe it's because I'm hallucinating, but I think I hear him say it back....
Everything is black before I can really know though, and I can't help but think one thing...
I don't want to die.
Just a little too late though.
