Book 1: Beyond Me and You

I'm Desperate

I was suppose to stay at Nathan's house but after our argument I insisted on him taking me home. When I arrived I was greeted by dad who was a bit shocked to know I came home. As far as he knew I was supposed to sleepover at Vivian's house.

On my way to my room I close the door to give myself some privacy. I know Sienna's here because dad mentioned them having a full house today. She's been around more often and I've learned how to ignore her. I may not like her but as long as she treats Dean well I guess i can put up with her presence.

The sound of my phone ringing wakes me up and is the only reason I would've gotten out of bed all day today. I don't even bother looking at the caller ID before picking up.

"I need you" is all I needed to hear Nathan say before I ran into the bathroom to get ready. After thirty minutes I'm all dressed up and out the door towards Nathan's house.

I ran the whole way to his house as fast as I possible could considering how long it's been since I've gone for a run. Which reminds me that I need to do that again because the way it feels like my legs are gonna give out and drop any minute isn't a good sign.

After what feels like years of painful running i see his house come into view. I knock on the door and it opens to reveal a smiling Nathan.

"What's wrong?" I ask breathlessly. I walk into the house and he closes it making sure to lock it.

"Nothing I just needed to talk to you"

I stare at Nathan in disbelief. He sounded so urgent on the phone I thought something was wrong with Ailee or he was in trouble. Point is I imagined the worse and I get here only for him to tell me that he only needed to talk. My patience begins to run thin.

"Because that's not what a phone was created for" I say in a sarcastic tone. "Forget it, I'm going home. If you need to talk to me we can talk on the phone." I walk past him bumping my shoulder with his arm but as I go to unlock the door I'm left in complete and utter shock.

"Zane wants me to work for him again" Nathan blurts out.

"He what? He's who you use to work for? Why? Now? How?" My mind has gone insane as questions come up right after the other. My heart begins to race as a particular question comes into my mind. "What did you say?"

"What do you think I said? Of course I said no"

"And he's okay with that?"

"Zane and I use to be best friends before he got involved in all of that. Then of course I became his right hand. When I wanted to leave I did everything he told me no matter the risk and-"

"Do you think he took it well?" I ask cutting him off.

"No. Zane is desperate to make money right now. I don't think he'll give up just like that"

"Is there anything we can do?"

The sound of the door bell ringing makes me flinch. I take a few steps back from the door while Nathan takes steps towards it. He opens the door to reveal another guy.

"Nathan I need your help man. It's Zane he kicked me out because I messed up a huge order...I had nowhere else to go"

Nathan looks back at me as I stare at him in confusion.

Nathan takes a step to the side to block the guy's view of me. "Right now isn't a good time Jax"

"I'm desperate" the Jax begs.

"We can talk later." I kiss Nathan on the cheek and walk past Jax and out the door.

The walk home was something I didn't even know I needed. As I walked I got to think about the recent events of today thoroughly. The past 24 hours as a whole have been crazy.

Once I got home I wish I was still on the walk because I got home to an almost empty home. Now I said ALMOST empty because to my luck Dean was in the kitchen making himself a small lunch. I try to walk past him without being noticed but my stomach gives me away by making a loud rumbling sound.

"You should eat if you're that hungry" Dean says as he holds out half a sandwich for me.

"I'm not hungry" I deny right away. As I go to take another step my stomach suddenly feels empty.

Unable to stop myself from going into the kitchen, I accept the other half of the sandwich and sit across from Dean at the island. We eat in silence and I watch as he scrolls through his phone and sends a message here and there.

After much thought I finally speak up.

"So you and Sienna huh?" I take another bite of my sandwich.

"Uhh" Dean says as he locks his phone and puts it face down on the table. "Yeah I guess, I mean there's not much to say"

I nod my head in response not knowing what to say. Why must I do this to myself. I always start something and never know what to do after.

Suddenly my half eaten half of a sandwich seems to be the most interesting thing in the world.

"Wow" Dean says causing me to look away from the sandwich.

"What?"

"You're something else. Have things gotten that bad between us that we can't comfortably share a sandwich?"

My eyes fall from him back down to the sandwich. Dean is right. I still feel bad about how I yelled at him the other day about the pictures. The memory of me yelling at him made my face turn red out of embarrassment.

"I'm sorry" I say without looking away from the sandwich.

"For?"

I look back up at him as tears form in my eyes. My mom was everything to me. She was my person. Wherever mom went I was surely to follow. It's been almost three years and there isn't a day I won't think of her. But despite that I was never able to bring myself to look at those pictures. I guess I was scared of realizing how much I really missed her.

I form my hands into fists in an attempt to hold back my tears.

"I shouldn't of yelled at you that day about the pictures. It wasn't your fault..."

"You were right to yell at me. Not only did I stupidly throw a party but Nathan told me about what I did when you showed up at the party. I deserved you yelling at me, I wouldn't of been mad at you if you had punched me. Lark I hurt you that night, physically and I can never forgive myself.." Dean's voice is vulnerable and raw. I look into his eyes and I can see how much he's hurting. I know Dean and I know he's probably being way too hard on himself.

I get up from my seat and move it around the table until I'm sitting next to Dean. I go back to grab the plate and sit in the seat next to him. He remains silent as he stares at his sandwich.

"Despite everything that happened in the past, you're my brother now and it's time we start acting like it. But before we do we need to talk about some...stuff"

Dean shifts in his seat uncomfortably almost as if he knows exactly what I'm talking about. My heart begins to beat faster and I'd be lying if said my palms weren't a bit sweaty. The thought of finally having a full in-depth conversation with Dean made me nervous and a bit scared of how it would go, but I know it needs to be done for us to move on.
n
"Dean...are you by any chance in love with me?" As soon as the words leave my mouth I regret it completely. I wish I could walk out the door and pretend like I never asked that stupid question.

What have I gotten myself into?!

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Hiii
I'm so sorry I didn't upload on Monday.  I've had a lot going on but here is Monday's chapter and Friday's chapter will still be uploaded on Friday!