Sudden Sparks of Poetry : my crazy whims of writing

Why him, why not me

Many a times I wonder,

Wondering where is he.

A tear would drip down my face,

Remembering that face i have yet to see.

Too long has it been since I last saw him,

That face of a distant memory.

Oh I wonder how long it would be,

Till the time he returns to me.

Many a times I wonder,

Why did it happen to me.

A wave of anger sets my heart on fire,

Remembering what there is left of he.

So long has he been gone,

Too long for a man that has yet to be.

I wonder why the gods took him,

That brother in my memory.

Many a times I wonder,

What he would have grown to be.

But that wish would never come true,

I would never get to see.

How I long for time to rewind itself,

His horrid death because of me.

Many tell me it is not my fault,

Little do they know, I hate their pity.

Many a times I wonder,

How life would be for he.

If only I could have been the one,

The dead one should have been me.

How I wish that would have happened,

I would do any thing to trade my life for his.

But the accursed gods had other plans,

And took him instead of me.

Many a times I wonder,

What he would want me to be.

I think he would want me to live,

Live without guilt and being carefree.

I wish I would be able to do that,

I wish this guilt would leave me.

But like a heavy stone thrown in water,

I sink deeper and deeper in to the sea.

The sea of guilt, sorrow and pain,

The pits of darkness that grows in me.

But never will I kill myself,

That would have been to easy.

So I continue to live,

Carrying my fear, my sorrow, my misery.

I Will wait till the devil takes my soul,

Because only death can set me free.

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