🌼🌹 Do I love you, really? ~ Alemanda/Mandalesha🌹🌼

🖤 Chapter 8 🖤

⚠️ includes brief talk of suicide/self harm/substance abuse

Alesha's POV:

"Amanda, stop kissing me and answer your phone!" I said into the kiss, growing more and more agitated by the constant ringing of Amanda's phone. "Fine!" She said, as the rolled of me and reached for her phone on the bedside table. "Shit!" She cursed. "I forgot! I told Simon he could face time us at this time, to see the kids." My eyes widened as I scrambled out of bed to my suitcase, foraging for anything to wear. I chucked Amanda a t-shirt and I slipped on a maxi dress. "Hey Simon" Amanda said, calmly. "Hi Amanda, what you two up to?" Simon asked. "Oh we just woke up" What the hell?!?! Why is she saying that?!  I looked at Amanda and gave her a 'what the fuck are you doing?' look. "Where's Alesha?" Simon questioned. "Oh here" she said getting me in the shot. "Um.. didn't you guys just wake up?" Simon repeated, looking confused. "Yes" she responded, not quite grasping the point of his question. "Why is Alesha in a dress then?" Her eyes widened in realisation. She muted the call and I took my chance to speak. "WHAT DID YOU SAY THAT FOR?" I whined. "I don't know! I mean, it is true though" She answered, just as annoyed. "You didn't think to yourself. Why would Alesha sleep in a dress?!" I huffed. She unmuted the phone "Is everything okay?" Simon said, looking suspicious. "Yes!" We chirped in unison, grinning at the camera, trying to hide any suspicion.

"Hi mama!" Azura squealed, poking her head infront of the camera. "Hello baby" Alesha responded. "Hi Alesha and Amanda" Eric said, waving at us from the phone. "Hi Eric" we both said. "Are you having fun Zu?" Alesha said, blowing a kiss to her daughter. "Yes!!! Me and Alfie and Eric and Hollie and Lexi are playing Britain's Got Talent." Azura giggled. "Aw that sounds fun!" I responded. "Hi mummy" Hollie said, and Lexi waved at me. "Hello my girls" I said, my face lit up to see my daughter's happy. "Are you having fun with Lesha?" Lexi asked. I turned to look at Alesha who grinned at me. "Yes, I'm having a lot of fun" I chuckled.

Amandas POV:

After talking to the children, and David & Simon, we started to prepare for the day ahead. Alesha was already dressed, she just needed to do her hair and makeup. We were planning to spend our day on the balcony pool that we had reserved for the day. There were deck chairs up there, that we could sit on while we had our breakfast, then we could go for a splash when it got hotter midday.

"Honey, I'm gonna head up there, while you finish up" Alesha said. "That's fine, I'll be up there in a minute" I replied, as I tied up my hair, and put on my large sun hat.

I climbed up the couple of staircases to the balcony, "Lesha, what do you want fo--" I began, only to release Alesha wasn't there. "Alesha?" I called. No response. "Alesha, are you messing with me?" I cried out. I felt my heart race rapidly. I started to search the blacony. Then my heart stopped. I could make out a body in the pool. Then it hit my what had happened. "ALESHA!" I screamed. I leaped into the pool, pushing against the water to reach the bottom, I saw Alesha laying on the pool floor, unconscious. I pulled her up, as I we floated on the top of the pool, I dragged her body out of the water, and to the floor. I felt around for a heartbeat. Nothing. "ALESHA!" I shrieked. I took my soaking phone out my pocket. "Please work, dear God please work" I sobbed. Miraculously, my phone opened. I dialled in 112, the Spanish emergency services and all I could do was wait. I held her body close to my chest as I sobbed uncontrollably. "Alesha, please don't leave me. I don't want to do this on my own. Our p-pact... you said you weren't... ever going to leave me. I love you, I love you, I love you! ALESHA!" I wailed, as she lay in my arms.

In moments, I was surrounded by police and paramedics attempting to resuscitate Alesha. Everything was a blur, I didn't want to do anything without Alesha. I wasn't ready for a world without Alesha. It almost happened once before, and I don't think I could deal with it again. I wish I could run away from my mind. I wish I could just run away from reality.

***Time Skip***

I wasn't allowed to accompany Alesha in hospital, as much as I begged, they refused to let me come. The wait was unbearable. I had already been waiting 7 hours, coming to 8. I couldn't do this! I wanted the pain to end. The pain in my heart, the feeling of complete emptiness, the will to do nothing. It was a bitter feeling. I had cried so much, to the point where I couldn't cry any longer. 

I got off the bed, and trudged to the bathroom. 8 hours! As much as I tried to stay optimistic, truthfully, I felt hopeless. I was ready to end everything. Alesha was a part of me. Along with Hollie, Alexa and Azura. They made me, me. Withought either one I felt incomplete. I couldn't let my girls down like that. I couldn't imagine what it would to do Alexa, Hollie and Azura, it would be bad enough without Alesha. 

I looked at my grief-stricken self. My hair was a mess, my makeup was chaotic, I looked like I had just come out of a serious breakup. I rubbed my eyes, smudging my makeup even more. I peered over at the scissors on the bathroom table, I faced self harm and drug abuse issues as a teenager, but those days were over. I hadn't had those thoughts for a good long while. I didn't want to slip back to that path, I knew I couldn't let that side of me take over, not even for a minute. I knew what I was capable of doing, and how extreme I went as a teenager. I looked at my pale white arms, although they weren't visible, like before; if you paid attention, it was clear I had a troubling past with self harm.

But the urge was there. I picked up the scissors tracing the sharp metal edges with my finger. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths...