Prologue

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October 2000
I slipped quietly out of his warm embrace, barely daring to breathe. His expression changed slightly. A hint of worry flashed over his perfect features. My heart stopped. Then he went back to snoring gently.

I looked down at the man I was leaving behind. He was perfect in every way. He was the man of my dreams. He was the most caring and kind person I had ever come to meet. He was my soulmate and my companion for life. Or at least I thought he was. Up until this year. Everything changed. I always knew it was coming...but I never expected how hard it would be to cope with.

How could I inflict this on him? How could I do it to someone I cared for so deeply? My heart was telling me to fall back into bed, back into his strong arms and to never ever leave them again for as long as I live. My brain had other ideas.

I knew, deep down, deeper than the deepest, fieriest pits of hell, that this was the right thing to do. I had to do it for both of us. He would probably thank me in years to come. A silent tear cascaded down my face as I mourned for the life I was about to lose. I wanted so badly to kiss him one last time, but I couldn't do it. If he woke, he would stop me. And I would never do it. I would never make the right choice.

I took a last look at him as I shut the door to our room, knowing in my heart and soul that this was the last time I would see him, apart from him as a ball of energy onstage or a lonely picture in some music magazine.

I crept down the seemingly endless flight of stairs of our home. Our world together. The world I was voluntarily leaving. I clutched one small bag of clothing and the most important thing, my letter to him, which also would contain my house key. So I could never go back.

My heart pounded in my ears as I posted the envelope through the door. Then I turned on my heel, hailed a taxi, boarded a plane and disappeared into the night...

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