Keeping Secrets

Chapter 7

The next few days went by in a blur. This seems to be routine after every time our parents come to see us. It's the only time I can get away with showing my true, dark colors to Parker. It's acceptable for me to be sad after they leave.

Throughout the days I would practice with Danny after school for the performance and I just couldn't seem to get into it. When Danny would leave I would pull out my old sketch pad and spend the rest of the day drawing. I isolated myself in my room. Parker just let me do my own thing as he did his. Anything so that I wouldn't crack emotionally, I don't need that to happen. I can't help but crawl back to the dark place in my mind during times like these. So I did what I needed to distract myself. I find it's easier to live through the pain if you pretend it's not there, pretend it's not real. I do anything and everything I can to make it 'disappear'. This method has led me to some things in the past that I regret.

When I go to this dark place, my minds rationality goes out the window. It's like I just hand myself over to the darkness and let it do as it wishes. This time around I found out another way I was willing to go in order to 'cure' the pain.

I found myself picking up my phone tonight and texting the last person I expected to. It's not Kyle if that's what you're thinking. I may have gone mad but not that mad.

You busy? - Opal

No. Why? What's going on? - Jesse

I pause for a second and think over what I'm considering right now. That dark voice in the back of my mind screams at me

'To hell with thinking! Stop being a goody two shoes and chuck your worries to the wind for once!" It says. So I do.

I need to see you. - Opal

Come pick me up? - Opal

I wait a minute before his response comes through.

Your wish is my command. Be there in 15 - Jesse

Parker let me go without a second thought, he trusted Jesse.

I'm sure you can imagine what happened when we went back to his place. This continued on every night after that, for the next week.

I would get to his house, we'd hook up and then afterwards, I would go home. Every time, lying to my brother about what we did. One day it was "We sat and watched Die Hard." next it was "We jammed out to music while doing homework." and yesterday it was "We watched all the video's we could find off of YouTube of people scaring people as a prank."

I got the feeling that Parker had an idea that I was lying. I'm positive he brushed it off though, he trusts me, even though he shouldn't.

Tonight I had invited Danny over to hang out with Jesse, Parker and I. He excepted and I was happy he did. After everything, I was finally starting to feel okay again. Me and Jesse would now be able to end our meaningless hook ups and I could go back to being with Danny. I know I'm sick and messed up. What I'm doing is wrong. It's just that with Jesse, I can be raw and break down and he won't say anything, he doesn't judge me. I feel like I can't be that way with Danny. I can't let him see this pathetic, twisted side of me.

Parker had some extra things he had to do before going home so Jesse drove me. Though I'm sure Parker would get home before us, he's a speed demon in that car of his. He got the back window fixed on it the day before mom and dad came home. He had dropped it at the shop before school that morning and had one of his football buddies pick him up. Lucky shit.

"I think we need to tell him." Jesse says out of no where on the drive over to my house.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.