things i wish you knew

to the ones who saw and stayed

to the ones who saw me at my worst and stayed.

i don't think that there are words in the english language that describe how much it means to me that you could see my life fall apart, but not walk away.

here are a few that just skim the surface:

sulit (adj.) something that is worth it

nepenthe (n.) something that makes you forget grief or suffering

querencia (n.) a place from which one's strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self

when i was depressed, when i saw no purpose in my life, when i was extremely pessimistic, you stayed.

you saw me as something that is worth it.

you became my nepenthe. you made me happy again. in fact, you became the people that i felt myself around.

you showed me love when i felt unwanted. you showed me how beautiful life can be when all i saw was a dark and terrifying world. when i thought i had no one, there was you.

i wish you knew how much it means to me that you saw how broken i was but instead of throwing me out, you glued me back together. i wish you knew how i long to be half the friend that you were to me.

june 19, 2019