things i wish you knew

to the one who is moving away

i knew this day was coming, i just never thought it would come so fast.

you've been waiting for this day for years, and me? i've been dreading it. 

i know that i should be happy for you, and i am. really, i am. but the thought of you moving miles and miles away taints that happiness just a little bit. 

you, on the other hand, have been counting down the days for months. for you, this move is the beginning of your new life - it's the freedom you've been longing for. 

i know you've felt stuck for so long, like you couldn't be who you're meant to. i'm happy that moving away is going to let you bloom into who you're supposed to be, but i can't help but feel jealous of those who will be there with you as you grow and change. 

you're living my dream. you're moving to a new place, starting your career, figuring out life without people telling you that you're doing it wrong, that you're imperfect. 

you get to go, and i get to stay here and miss you. and that's okay, because i know that one day it will be my turn to leave. someday it will be my turn to bloom, and i'll be just as excited as you are now. 

but until then, i'll be here. and i'll still look for you in passing cars because it will take a little bit for the reality to hit me that you're definitely not driving on the same roads that i am. i hope that the next time i see you, you won't be utterly unrecognizable. i hope there's still pieces left of the you that i know now. 

because even if you felt stuck in this small town, even if you felt like you couldn't be yourself, i think that whoever i got to know is a person worth knowing. 

august 1, 2020