I can't help it..

Dilemma

Hey guys, I wont lie, I am slightly intoxicated while writing this so if I get lazy with correcting my I's from lower to upper case, I am sorry. Forgive me, I love you <3

-Gerard POV-
We roll into the streets of NJ and the whole bus screams in excitement, except me. 
Tour is my means of escape from my life, every night on stage I am this character, persona, party poison, vampire king. But at home? I am expected to love someone who I really don't anymore, and ignore the one I really love... I am honestly considering having a full on make out session with Frank on stage to let Lindsey know whats up, because how the fuck am I supposed to start that conversation? "Hey babe, can we talk?" that shit gives me enough anxiety to blast into the back row. 

I look over to Frank who is not cheering either, he has his arms folded and it staring up at the TV, i decide it's my turn to message him to see if everything is okay. 
Gw: Hey sexy, you okay?
Frank blinks and shakes his head slightly before reaching into his pocket and pulls out his phone not reacting at all.
Fi: Not too excited to be home is all
Gw: I feel the same, everyone else is so happy..
Fi: wanna run away with me?
Gw: *sigh* wish i could
We make eye contact and smile while sighing deeply.

The bus stops at the local bus port and every one cheers, getting up and off the bus it feels like slow motion walking down those steps. I used to be able to look toward the horizon and see nothing but buildings in my hometown.. now? there a barrage of people, I grab Frank by the hand and pull him through the crowd who are chanting our names, some people screaming some people crying. I look to Frank who honestly looks a little worried, who could blame him? 
We make it through to the body guards who guide us in the car to drive us to our houses, the bags yet to be packed into the car.

Looking over to Frank who is staring around the car at all the people near us, I place a hand on his leg and his eyes shoot toward me locking onto my gaze, his breathing steadies and smiles.
The driver gets into the car and looks into the rear view mirror, "Home boys?", I squeeze Franks leg wanting every ounce of me to say no, swallowing deeply I manage "Just home thanks sir"
"You got it" The driver puts up the partition and dirty thoughts appear into my head as soon as the window makes that sealed sound. 
I just want to grab Frank by the hips and slide him onto his back, hook his legs around my waist and kiss him deeply while he moans softly into my ear, but here we were instead sat in silence awaiting for the car to stop. 
Frank glances over at me again, "Gee..." I make eye contact "Mmm?" he looks sad, fuck, let me kiss you and take away the pain. "I don't wanna go home"  I sigh deeply closing my eyes "neither, but our show is in four hours so it won't be long till we are altogether again" 

-Frank POV-
My heart feels like it is going to rip right in half, we pull into Gerard's street..his hand still on my thigh, the partition was tinted so it was now or never I brushed Gerard's cheek with the back of my hand, before he could turn his head fully my lips were on his, melting into my kiss his hand crept to the back of my head pushing me in deeper, we part and look deeply into each others eyes forehead to forehead. "Frankie, should we turn this car around?" I laugh softly knowing full well it's far too late for that. "Mr Way?" our moment broken, quickly separating our touch. "We are here Mr Way" Gerard clears his throat, bites his lip and exits the car. 

Rolling my window down to wave Gerard off, there at the door of the house stood Lindsey, jet black hair and leering eyes. Smiling devilishly at Gerard, arms wide open. I roll my eyes and wind the window up. In my peripherals I see Lindsey throw her arms around him, kissing him deeply on the lips. I shudder inside, sinking into my seat. "Home Mr Iero?" I nod and stare out of the window.
 Stepping into my empty house and looking around the perimeter, my L shaped couch in the corner of the room, Huge fuck off plasma screen TV, gaming consoles with a thousand controllers thinking of happier times with the boys but then bad memories flash back of before tour.

*Flashback*
Our lips sliding past one anothers and her fingers tangled in my hair usually by this point my dick was rock solid and ready to rock and roll but lately things have been different. Her mouth reaches my ear lobe and biting it rather roughly "What's wrong Frank?" she whispers seductively in my ear and I get angry at myself and push her up against the wall roughly, my hand disappearing between her legs rubbing her warm lady area. "Oh Frankie, I knew you weren't completely gone" I suck violently on her neck, my mind running wild, thoughts of Gerard being pinned beneath me, sucking on his neck and his hands gripping my my hair, swirled in my mind. 
Getting increasingly horny I slide us both down to the floor, "roll over" I order.
"what?" Jamia looks at me concerned "roll the fuck over" I grab her by the hip and she does as she's told.  Spreading her butt cheeks apart, I start to rub her entrance with my index finger. 
"Ohhh, Uhh" I smirk lost in my own little world "You like that Gee...mia" my eyes widen.
Internal screaming fuck fuck fuck. Jamia snaps up on her knees  and faces me, "What the fuck did you just call me?" I swallow and look right past her "I...uh" "FRANK ANTHONY THOMAS IERO"
Shallowly I breathe in through my nose, "Jamia, we need to talk" next thing I knew, she was throwing everything and anything at me, I tried to explain that I wasn't in love with her anymore in the nicest way possible. "I don't know what to believe anymore Frank, you kiss Gerard on the lips at shows, you wear more makeup than me and now wanting to eat my ass? you know what? I can't do this anymore" and just like that, four years of our relationship over. The door slammed and I. just. smiled. 
*End of flashback*

Sighing deeply and dropping my shoulders, realizing all of Jamia's stuff was now gone  I felt sad but at the same time glad that i wasn't living a lie anymore. 
T minus three and half hours still show time, smelling my arms pits then scrunching my face up "my whole existence needs a wash".

-Gerard POV-
"Welcome home my love" Lindsey's arms were wrapped tightly around my neck and before I had a say in it her lips were attached to mine, she moaned softly while I  felt nothing at all. 
"Wanna go inside baby?" I nod.
Stepping inside of my house, there are candles lit, cookies baked and when I turn around a very naked Lindsey. "W...what are you doing?" I ask stuttering "what do you mean honey?" she says trying so hard to turn me on but her trying so hard is doing the opposite. 
"I ....mean, I am just so tired maybe tomorrow okay?" I can see she's disappointed and slips her robe back on. "No problems honey, i guess your show is soon anyway.." I look toward the ground and walk upstairs to the shower.
Gw: Frankie, are you there?
Fi: hey
Gw: I wish I was there with you right now, things are so awkward here she set the mood and was naked in two seconds flat.
Fi: Why are you telling me that? I don't want to know
Gw: I just told her I was too tired now I am standing in the bathroom
Fi: Same
Gw: you're in the bathroom?
Fi: yeah, I know it's not my birthday but I am wearing my suit...
Gw: Oh... damn, wish I could see
Fi: New photo

Fuck... there he is standing in front of the mirror, tattooed hand crossing his body and caressing his shoulder, his naked torso..my eyes travel down the photo. "Oh" I say out loud as I start to feel my cock twitch against my cotton boxers.

Fi: Like what you see Way?
Gw: New photo
Fi: Mmmm, I remember him. 

*Knock knock knock* "Gerard honey, can I shower with you?" my eye freeze as I look myself in the mirror with my hard cock, not made by her and try to ignore what she said. "Gerard?" I can her voice weaken "Uhh, yeah sure just let me finish shitting" It's the quickest thing I could think of as I try make pictures in my head of things I don't like.

Fi: New photo
I dare not open that right this second
Fi: New photo
Fi: New photo

Fucking hell Frank, what are you doing? I was so eager to find out, the thought alone was not helping my situation.. I decide to just open the door, what would one more blowjob from my wife hurt?
"Hey you" I say slinging a sly smile across my face, "Oh hey baby" She smiles back after looking down at me, "wanna get nice and dirty while getting clean?" I smirk, "you know me too well Gerard".
Turning on the shower nob the water starts to steam up the bathroom, flash backs of the hotel swim in my mind, I close my eyes and let the water rush over my head and could imagine Franks hands exploring my body for the first time being so adorably scared, I smile involuntarily and feel a pair of hands run down my chest and head toward my groin. 
My eyes snap open to see a head of black hair headed south and I blushed realizing they both had jet black hair, if I tried hard enough this could work in my favor....
Or so I thought, "You like it when I talk dirty to you baby?" I look down and see Lindsey with her tongue about to slide up my cock and I can't help but pull back slightly.
She raises an eyebrow when she realizes my length is starting to deflate... Standing up to meet my eye I can tell she is hurt.
"Gerard, what is going on?" her hand is on my shoulder, I take a huge breath in do I lie again? or do I tell her everything here while we are booth naked and exposed.
"I am so sorry LynZ, I uh, it's just been so long since we have done anything like this, I am thinking a million miles an hour" this didn't help the situation one bit.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" she retracts her hand and places it across her chest.
My eyes drop to her lips, "No, of course not..." I feel sick for lying so much "well whatever it is, please tell me in your own time.." and with that she steps  out of the shower, wraps herself in a towel and exists the bathroom.

I stand there head against the cold tiles, wishing my heart would just stop. I did't want to break Lindsey's heart but I can't live like this anymore, I am in love with Frank..I need him.